am confused -- need some advice nygirl: HI everyone, I was wondering if you guys could help me on an issue that has been bothering me for a while. It has escalated into a break from the relationship.
I have a problem with my fiancé. He has chosen to go away on a trip to Europe for 20 days and it’s during valentine’s day and with a friend and their family.
His friend is a girl, but due to work schedule she can't go. So, he has already bought the tickets and has decided to go with her sister and her father.
I trust the girl and her sister and my fiancé, but I have a problem with him going away for so long. I also think that if he takes a major trip, then he should want me there with him. He did ask me. But the reason I’m not going is because I’m in school and can’t take 20 days off. I think he should wait until we can find the time to go together. I told him how i felt. We talked about it for the past month. Last night, we decided to go on a break. I asked for it because this is the only way that I can deal with him being gone for so ong. I think if he feels the need to do this then there is something seriously wrong with our relationship.
Today, he just got on the plane and has left for his trip.
I really feel that I want to break up with him. It's really not only this trip that causes serious arguments in our realtionship. (by the way be have been together for 4 and a half years and engaged for about a year).
What do you guys think? Please help!
???
Re:am confused -- need some advice marfanoidus: [quote"> It's really not only this trip that causes serious arguments in our realtionship. (by the way be have been together for 4 and a half years and engaged for about a year).[/quote">
Then, truth be told, there's probably a lot more that you wanted to say, and which we need to hear before we can offer you any insight.
Honestly and humbly - I would like to hear some women's insight to this thread, because I think women will be able to read between the lines a lot better than I can, and I'm convinced there are some lines to be read in between here.
walt
Re:am confused -- need some advice Chase: Hi nygirl,
I agree with walt that it seems there's more involved. I know that - say 12 months ago - if my wife had arranged a trip for 20 days o/s and I knew she really wanted to go, and was comfortable with the people I would have been fine with it. Well, after having a bit of a spat about why can't I go, and how can you leave the kids for so long, and - hey - where is XXX's school uniform?
For it to happen during your engagement does strike me as odd. I don't know how much you've talked with him about it, and why he wants/needs to do it, but it's probably something you need to work on when he's back. If he is having doubts, maybe he needs some time to himself and maybe it's better that he sorts himself out now - before you marry.
I don't really know, but I feel for you, and how hard it must be for you on your own at the moment without really knowing what is in his mind, and I hope things get better.
Chase
Re:am confused -- need some advice Chey: Hmm well, I guess I'm a girl so I'll try reply :)
My honest gut reaction to this is that you have MAJOR trust issues here. Is there a reason for that? Has he ever done anything in the past to give you a reason to feel like that?
This really is not a big deal. It's 20 days, a vacation that he's obviously looking forward to....and if you've committed to marrying him that shows you're willing to make a pretty big committment with this guy. So if you're willing to trust him with the rest of your life, why not 20 days? I'm afraid it does sound like either there is part of this story missing, or you're blowing this all out of proportion.
Chey
Re:am confused -- need some advice Just Me Now: I don't think 20 days is a big deal, if you trust him. If it was my fiance I and I trusted him, I would tell him to have fun. He did want you to go, but you couldn't, so why shouldn't he? I may be in the minority here with my thinking though. It also seems a bit selfish to me that he shouldn't not go because you can't.
I think there are some things you are leaving out, though.
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