Re:Unreceived Letters ChristyM: I agree with Spec on this one Beren. I heard those things and it also made me just feel sad that he wasted a perfectly good marriage.
You want to hear them say it because it validates the relationship and all the time and effort you spent making it work. To never hear that makes you question your judgement, yourself and everything else you thought to be true. I came across something the other day my ex wrote to someone in which he said he was married for 13 years and for most of those years happiness eluded him. In his saying that one sentence, he managed to make me feel like he just wiped away 13 years of marriage. It's incredibly devastating. Makes a person wonder if they slept walked through all those years because they obviously weren't experiencing the same things.
And you know what? Just because you haven't received a letter like that doesn't mean she hasn't written it a 1,000 times. I'm a master at never letting others know how I really feel so you can't base her feelings only on her actions.
Christy
*Edited to add: In honor of your picture above I submit the following: You momma is so fat that every time she goes out wearing her red sweatshirt everyone says "HEY KOOL AID"!!!
Re:Unreceived Letters Beren: Spec, Christy--
Thanks :)
I know that hearing it from Kim won't make me feel better. I haven't heard anyone who's been in that situation ever say, "Gee, it made me feel so validated, and I felt completely whole after that." I go through all the different scenarios in my mind of what she might say to me, and you know what it kind of feels like? It feels like flipping through the channels at 3:30 a.m. There's just nothing on worth watching, but you keep on flipping through hoping something will satisfy.
Grizzly Beren
Re:Unreceived Letters teacherwriterguy: Really liked your analogy about the remote - that felt really right to me too. You keep looking for that one answer/station/response whatever that just puts things to rest for good.
If only it worked that way!
teacherwriterguy
Re:Unreceived Letters down south xhubbie: You know I don't think I could've put it more correctly or more bluntly than Spec.
When I read this,
"Basically what it comes down to is that in the long run it is much better if everyone involved just smiles and pats each other on the back and pretends that they didn't have their respective hearts run through a meat grinder.
Happy Valentine's Day! Ugh.
This made me laugh out loud so much. (big lol) Nothing could ring more truly with my stbx and myself. On the occasions where the adults from ex's family get together, I'm sure that they occasionally have a little Roast of Rob as an entree. I soothe myself by thinking, hey at least they're not drilling someone else, telling lying gossip, or making fun of someone from their church.
While my family and friends who had experience with them, think they are a little off or were shocked at getting first hand experience with my former MIL.
My brother in law even went to the point of saying, "that's a WEIRD bunch" AND he hardly ever says anything bad about anyone.
For some reason unbeknownest to me, I still try to win their (her family's) approval. My mom says to me all the time, "when are you going to stop trying to please her family, they didn't approve of you when you were married to her. What makes you think they will approve of you now?"
good question ::) All I can do is do the best for my son and continue to get along with each other. We are "patting each other" on the back right now and have been for months now. We want to get along for the sake our our precious 3 year old son.
