Re:Sex question for the ladies... sheydp: SO TRUE! You should always do it, even when you are ok with giving up sex, just so she knows she is special to you whether she is up to "putting out" or not.
I'll shut up now- you got the long version of my advice earlier! LOL ;)
Re:Sex question for the ladies... sheydp: If you meant me, I didn't mean to suggest that you were suggesting he push her!!! I didn't mean that at all! I got what you were saying and totally agreed with it! I was just adding on - since he is the one letting down walls, and we can't tell her that, so I just wanted to warn him not to push too hard if she doesn't just jump on board with the idea, thats all! Sorry! :-[
Re:Sex question for the ladies... NoEscape: good replies girls. We just spent most of the day together... I told her earlier "thanks for taking one for the team"--she said she enjoyed it anyway just that it was hard to rush into sex mode immediately..(kids were sleeping) which I totally understand. We had a nice day...she told me how happy she is to be with me. things are looking up!
Re:Sex question for the ladies... Spectrum: Okay...... "Taking one for the team?" That phrase should just tell you something right there!
If she has to "take one for the team," then when do you have to "take one for the team?" How exactly would *you* go about "taking one for the team?" Would you surprise her with a ton of great oral sex and then just let her lounge in it afterwards? Or would you perhaps just give her a massage when she is feeling tired and then then just kiss her goodnight afterwards when she was ready to sleep? Or would you give her that massage and then snuggle up to her when she was ready to doze off and try to eke some sex out of it?
I'm sorry, I didn't intend this post to go this way by any means, but that phrase just really rubbed me the wrong way.
I spent years "taking one(s) for the team" and all it ever did was make sex feel like an obligation. I was depressed and unhappy in my relationship and in my life. I worked hard and was often exhausted at the end of my day and not interested in sex. My ex did little to help get me primed (his idea of romance was, "Hey, wanna have sex?" while raising his eyebrows and gesturing towards the bedroom).
And to echo the sentiment of an earlier poster, if your wife is giving you obligatory sex, no matter how happy you are you got a piece afterwards, she's going to start feeling like a piece of meat with a hole in it after a while.... And that is a downward spiral you do *not* want to get in.
So please..... don't thank her for "taking one for the team." That isn't a good thing, I promise. It is a bad, bad thing for your relationship. You need to find out how to get her to want it, not how to get her to give it.
Spectrum.
Re:Sex question for the ladies... NoEscape: [quote author=Spectrum link=board=1;threadid=7595;start=15#msg60841 date=1107645832">
Okay...... "Taking one for the team?" That phrase should just tell you something right there!
If she has to "take one for the team," then when do you have to "take one for the team?" How exactly would *you* go about "taking one for the team?" Would you surprise her with a ton of great oral sex and then just let her lounge in it afterwards? Or would you perhaps just give her a massage when she is feeling tired and then then just kiss her goodnight afterwards when she was ready to sleep? Or would you give her that massage and then snuggle up to her when she was ready to doze off and try to eke some sex out of it?
I'm sorry, I didn't intend this post to go this way by any means, but that phrase just really rubbed me the wrong way.
I spent years "taking one(s) for the team" and all it ever did was make sex feel like an obligation. I was depressed and unhappy in my relationship and in my life. I worked hard and was often exhausted at the end of my day and not interested in sex. My ex did little to help get me primed (his idea of romance was, "Hey, wanna have sex?" while raising his eyebrows and gesturing towards the bedroom).
And to echo the sentiment of an earlier poster, if your wife is giving you obligatory sex, no matter how happy you are you got a piece afterwards, she's going to start feeling like a piece of meat with a hole in it after a while.... And that is a downward spiral you do *not* want to get in.
So please..... don't thank her for "taking one for the team." That isn't a good thing, I promise. It is a bad, bad thing for your relationship. You need to find out how to get her to want it, not how to get her to give it.
Spectrum.
[/quote">
Well Spec--"taking one for the team" was my expression not hers. And we never have sex like that...really. I really do believe in pleasing my wife. I feel bad if I dont. and I would "take one for the team" anytime. Giving her oral and then lettting her bask in it? No problem. She told me that she actually orgasmed twice earlier...I guess it was just my interpretation. As my friend on this board "SadEyes" has told
me.."sometimes your gut is wrong"
I plan on "taking one for the team" tonight. With pleasure ;)
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