Re:If he wants divorce why is he not taking the steps? Chey: Indenial...welcome to the board.
Perhaps it will take you to be the strong one (again I'm sure) and actually take the steps that he's trying to force. Otherwise you will stale mate and both end up hating each other. If you feel you might want to eventually reconcile these problems, the distance might be the best thing for you. A symbol of that might be to start seperating things that you traditionally have kept together, so that he sees that you are taking him seriously...a good example..any bank accounts or credit cards that you share. Seperate names...seperate car insurance...nothing that you cant eventually repair, but perhaps it's time to end the stale mate.
Chey
Re:If he wants divorce why is he not taking the steps? Just Me Now: I was the one who said that I wanted a divorce. It took a year after saying that until we put the house on the market. I finally moved out in December and I just went a saw a lawyer last week. He was the one who cheated, but I had to do these things on my own timeline. Baby steps. I knew I would have to de the one to do the "dirty" work.
He and I just spoke a while ago and we talked about the D some more. He knows I am going to be the one file because he has no balls.
Re:If he wants divorce why is he not taking the steps? barelybreathing: It's simple really.
It's because they are eaten up with guilt already for even asking for the divorce and initiating the separation. They need us to file and take those steps so that they can have some sort of justification to ease their conscience.
"See, you really wanted it too."
"You must not have loved me because you had no problem with filing the paperwork."
It is a weird dynamic in the pschology of divorce. People do strange things during this time. It's as if the brain steps in and protects the heart and conscience for them and prevents them from taking the actions to bring the actual legal closure for the divorce, OTHERWISE, the guilt just kills them.
You file when your ready to file, do not let him or anyone else dictate your timing. If he is not happy with that or pressures you then it is too bad.
BB
Re:If he wants divorce why is he not taking the steps? clb: Thanks everyone for the advice.
At this point I will continue to wait for him to make the step. I have a name of a good lawyer to use once I know that he has consulted with one.
In our case there has been no one that has cheated (at least I truely believe he hasn't), he is just angry with me for bad choices I have made that have made him feel unloved. Basically I took him for granted and now that I want to show him that I have changed and he is number one in my life he is to resentfull to give me a chance. Even though he says he loves me. He feels the only way to get rid of the anger inside of him is to get away from me. I think it is more-depression or some other psych issue or he really doesn't love me and he can't admit it to himself. I have asked him this and he tells me that he loves me or he wouldn't have stayed so long in our marriage. But, I think if you love someone you just don't throw away a marriage. As I said I am going to hold tight on my end for awhile, but have my plan of action in place when I need to make my move, but I think you are right in the end he wants me to do it to ease his guilt and turn it around some how. Another question has come to mind. I will post it under a new subject. He is continuing to say to me "Maybe we can work it out after the divorce" What does this mean!!
Re:If he wants divorce why is he not taking the steps? MadorSad: Wow your story is just like mine welcome to limbo land right. I think they want us to be the bad guys ;D I'm like you I have a plan and I will follow through but it would be nice if they would comit one way or another!!!!
Stay Strong cause it is hard but do not let them make you do anything you do not want to......
MoS
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