Anyone else dealt w/ this Cally: I posted for the 1st time this week after finding out that my husband has been logging hours on the cell with "a friend." I confronted her yesterday, and she of course knew all of our business. My husband was unfortunately verbally and physically abused as a child. He is now 35, but seems to follow a pattern of not being able to get along with with immediate family members (ex: his son, mother, and now me). We've only been married for 15 months. He loves people, and always wants to be around a crowd. But, it's like he can't stand to live with anyone. He has villianized me to others, it's like he always wants to be the victim. And reaches out to others to tell him how great he is. PLEASE RESPOND if you have dealt with anything like this. P.S. He is not willing to go to counseling.
Re:Anyone else dealt w/ this Chey: Cally,
Do you feel respected as his wife at all right now? If you have called him (and her) on this behaviour and he's not giving you the immediate reassurance you need then don't train him that you'll put up with it. You sound like quite a strong willed person, and in your position I would think seriously about taking the necessary steps to get myself into a space where I felt I kept a little bit of pride and dignity. I barely walked away from my marriage with mine, but what little I did have left allowed me to finally get the strength to do it.
You sound like you've got a great backbone..I'm not sure I could have confronted the OW like you did (she sounds bloody awful by the way).....keep it up. Stay strong...keep your dignity and know when it's ok to show him you are unwilling to be treated as anything less than what you deserve.
Chey
Re:Anyone else dealt w/ this caligirl: Hi Cally--
e have two things in common here- your name on this site, and the story you posted.
The simularities are uncanny--the only difference here is the we've been married for 10 months before he took off.
As with you I've had to endure much of the same, and its getting me physically sick every time I have to think about it.
What I found was that someone like that will keep running to ward their audience--as long as they can create one. I know from my personal experience now- that someday it will catch up with him. He does not want to disclose what kind of man he truly is--its only us that know. I feel the more I got to know him- his flaws--his lies-his dishonesty..it just created more...
yes, it still hurts as I think of it now, and i never thought i'd feel this way about anyone-esp. someone you were in love with--but i can truly say he is a bad, bad person.
I do not wish him well- and yes, i am angry. i suppose i have to go through this but, quite frankly i feel he deserves how i feel about him..he created it.
As Chey said--and I have to agree, as much as I have conveyed how I feel for this man--I have never verbalized it toward him...take the high road here--it will do no good to have it out with him--walk away with your head high and dignity intact.
-sorry to ramble here...
hope that helps,
take care-
--Cali
Re:Anyone else dealt w/ this Cally: Thanks to both of you. I think that all of this started with him before I ever even came into the picture. He says that I am digging for stuff to end our marriage because "I'm bored". I don't have to dig. I checked our mail yesterday, and there was a letter with the OW's name on it. I opened it to see what in the world, and he had tried to have her cosign on a vehicle with him. I just paid his truck off in Sept. with my leftover financial aid money from grad school. He promised that he would keep it and drive it so that we could get ahead. Imagine another woman being on a vehicle that your husband is driving. I told him I don't have to dig too hard when she has mail coming to our house. He said it didn't mean anything, because he had asked for another one of his friends to cosign also.
Anyway, I'm learning how selfish some people can be.
Re:Anyone else dealt w/ this Chey: That's a pretty huge slap in the face Cally. There is no way I could put up with that. I hate to say walk away and make it sound like "she's won", but maybe it's time to put down ground rules...and stick to the "or else"...otherwise he'll learn that you'll stay no matter what he does. I'm sure you must have felt like absolute cr@p though. I'm sorry.
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