Re: Jilted achingallover: So you do the poetry thing too when you are down...isn't it interesting the way pain seeps out of us...
Yeh, I am 2 months since he said he wanted a divorce. But it has been the most HORRIFIC 2 months of my life. I swear I've aged 75 years in these 2 months. There has been alot of s**t that has gone down. LOTS!!!
And I know what you mean, thoughts of him creep in all the time. I wish I could wall them up. I wonder if he thinks about me. I wonder where he's living right now. It's hard right now becuase we were always very affectionate with each other. Always holding hands and such - always touching in some way. I am going through withdrawls of being touched. It's horrible.
Anyway, yup, hard..but necessary I guess. Nothing else we can do about it but pick ourselves up and move on. At least in your case, you are seeing that your relationship was not so healthy for you - I don't see that yet in mine. I"m still only able to see the "good" parts. I wish I could move into how lonely I felt in it - but I keep going back to the good stuff.
ugh. I hate being divorced.
hugs-
Steph
Re: Jilted Bob-Bob: Steph,
I know the feelings, even when I think of the unhealthy points of our relationship. I miss reaching for her hand or just sitting close and looking into her eyes (something I had to teach her). I miss the affection of another, but I realize right now she has someone else in that role.I also know that this won't last because she has far more problems than just the ones I have mentioned here.
You seem like a wonderful person with a great amount of understanding, You will find that person that makes you happy. the person that wants more than anything to understand you and your feelings.
You will find that person to share those things with.
Yeah poetry... I have a box full of it she shipped to me after all of this happened... 6 years worth I wrote for her.
I also have alot of pictures she cut herself out of...
She tries so hard to misdirect her emotions right now. She has made me feel like I was the worst husband on the face of the planet. But I know it is really herself she hates right now. She just can't face that.
She WILL realize one day that she has lost that person that would have been there for her and loved her almost unconditionally for the rest of her life. I think that the reason I say almost unconditionally is that cheating is the worst violation of trust, respect, and love that a person could stoop to. I cannot find it within myself to forgive that, I will not.
I must move on with my life and know that I will find what I am looking for.
Bob
"Confidence is a beauty of it's own"
Re: Jilted achingallover: Thanks for the kind words, Bob. It's funny, because I certainly know, even through all of this, I have my problems too - but so does he. I was hoping that we could stand by each other through them. At least not make any decisions about our life together until we've had time to work - really work - in couples therapy. LIke, committed work - not just him being there because I wanted to. And not do the finger pointing thing "wow, she is MUCH sicker than me!" He has had an agenda for MY personal therapy all year. Apparently I wasn't working on things he wanted me to. I don't know when his heart left the relationship. I really don't. I just wonder how long ago he decided he was divorced from me. It was most certainly way before he let me in on it.
Anyway, yeh, we'll be fine. We both will. It just sucks now. The bad part is I can't see the end of it sucking so bad yet! Wish I could see into the future! Where is the crystal ball when you need it... :P
hugs-
Steph
Re: Jilted Bob-Bob: Yeah it does SUCK!
I can't see the end of the loss I feel either, even with all that she has done. How long did you do the couples therapy thing? Mine wouldn't even try. I remember in early may we had a great night out... we laughed and we danced and she seemed so happy, I remeber the week before she told me she wanted the divorce, I went to her and kissed her very passionatley and she kissed me back, And I wonder too, how long had she been planning this I try to figure things out and I have dwellew on it at times. But it is a question I will never have answered, just like befor we got married, we were living together, she said she needed time and space and ran off, she would not tell me where to. she would call every once in awhile and she would stop by my work. but she never really told me what it all was about.
I think she needs to find herself, I don't think she knows who she is. I have learned from her Family that she has always been with someone, she has never taken the time to spend alone and really learn about what she wants and who she is.
I miss the person I was with, but is the person I was with still the same person that was with me?
Bob
Re: Jilted achingallover: Yeh Bob. Sounds like we are in similar circumstances. He never really "dated around". He had a relatively serious girlfriend in high school who sounds like she wasn't so nice to him. Then in college, he didn't really date too much - he found me and that was it. He wanted to marry me the second week I knew him! Ugh...
We went to couples therapy 2 times. He was not there to work. He went only to tell me he wanted a divorce. The first time was to deliver the bad news - the second time was...I really don't know why. Maybe because we made a second appt. I don't know. But he bolted out of there in 35 minutes time. He almost left 3 or 4 times in the second session. He has emotional tarrets - that's what I call it - because he feels things very deeply, but can't share them with pretty much anyone except maybe his therapist. Man, how did she get so luck as to get "in"?
And I know, 2 weeks before he told me he wanted a divorce we went on vacation - had a great time. At least I did and I really thought he did too. He didn't "love me like a sister" on that trip! God only knows what's going on with him. It's so sad. I'm just all locked into the pain today.
hugs-
Steph
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