Re: Jilted Bob-Bob: Thanks Steph,
I am sure we will both be fine. I tried getting her to face her problems within our relationship and she would not. I went to counseling for the depression and stress that I was under that kept me from being the husband I had always been to her. But as bad as it feels right now to be without her I have great things happening in my life, my new job for one (IT Manager) Those codependancy feelings are rough, but I was very independent before I met her and I will find that again.
It is rough at times to toughen up and take control of things in your life but I have decided that I want to do what is best for me. I will find someone that knows how to show affection and knows what intamacy is (she was a very withdrawn person when it came to these 2 items and it affects you self-esteem in a very bad way when the person you love cannot even do simple things like scratch your back or give you any sort of simple forms of affection. I come from a very close family, but I understand that not everyone does and that her family was not a touchy-feely type of Family, We had made alot of headway in the right directions before all of this, and when I started feeling insecure about our finances ( her father passed away last year and did not have insurance ... we took on the burden and expense of the funeral very willingly but it affected our finances)
and there have been several position here at work which were cut and 17 people layed off ... I was under stress like you would not believe and I realize that I withrew to some extent from her but I never never quit showing my affection and if I snapped at her I always let her know that I was sorry it wasn't her it was the stress I was under and that I was depressed... I told her the day she told me that she wanted the divorce that We should go to counseling togather and that we should try to work things out but she wanted no part of it ( I did not realize that she had found someone else). Our relationship in her eyes fell totally apart in a matter of 3 months, we were together for 6 years and married for 4, I never thought even once that she would cheat on me. I really believed that we could make it through anything. I trusted her totally and now I wonder at this point whether I should have trusted her at all she has tainted a 4 year marriage by cheating and lieing. I had someone do something similar to me when I was 23 and it had taken me a long time to rebuild the ability to trust someone completely... and now I am sort of having a hard time trusting.
I will read some of what you wrote and see the feelings you were going through.
thanks again,
Bob
Re: Jilted atd74: Bob,
Ugh! I feel for you and all of your words struck right to my heart from your last post. You can't believe they did it or said but they have and nothing will change it. It's sad but just know that you will prevail.
Good luck on your move - it sounds like you have a clear head about this. Don't worry about being angry - I had my bout with that yesterday and I've let it go as of this morning. I have learned that it's ok to be angry with them just as long as it doesn't consume too much of your energy or time.
You WILL find someone who is worthy of you - you sound like a great guy and there are plenty of us women out there who are looking for someone just like you. I know how easy it can be to put your fear, dissappointment, frustrations and anger on other people. I applaud you for the statement you made that you know not all women are like this. I have to tell myself too not to punish these guys I'm dating for my ex's mistakes.
I also belive in KARMA ;D One of these days boy... I won't be around to witness it but for some reason I know I'm gonna feel it or God's going to give you and I (heck, all of us) a sign that what comes around goes around...
Re: Jilted achingallover: Right on ATD74! You've hit the nail on the head...Karma for sure!
And the anger thing - it comes in cycles for me. In the beginning I had sadness, bargining, anger and acceptance cycling about 2 times an hour! Now it's still cycling some, but at least it is more spread out.
Minute by minute, hour by hour....
hugs-
Steph
Re: Jilted galil: BOB,
You rock man and your doing great.
Been their done that lol worn that T-shirt.
If I could give you any advice that might help it would be dont second guess enything anymore. you sound like a goodguy and their are a ton of women out there that are looking for just that.
Karma will come back around, sad to say though you may never get to see it.
Treat thsi as just another business contract like buying a car and take all emotion out of the pictur. emotion in a divorce costs big bucks I know.
Hang in there and know that life does get better and there will be a time hopefully soon where you will be wondering why you were with her anyway. ;D
Re: Jilted Bob-Bob: Wow,
Thanks everyone, I hope everyone had a good weekend. Sorry it takes so long for me to respond... I don't have a home computer set up right now.
Actually I will get to at least hear about the Karma coming back on her, It already has to some extent. her family is being really great to me, They know I would have an did do anything for her. They have constantly assured me that I have treated her better and taken better care of her than anyone ever has. I still have that constant aching in my soul and the feeling of loss but I am focusing on My new Job and being back with my family.
Speakng of her family, they invited me to her Uncle's retirement party over the weekend, and although it was tough to be around all of the memories, I think it was tougher to really hear how much all of these people love and care for me.
I am the type of person that is very open about my feelings, and this allows me to get hurt and sometimes walked on... but, I am toughening myself toward her. I refuse to let her know I am hurting anymore.
I had to tell her brother and sister-in-law (and my 2 nieces) that I can't come around for awhile, because of the memories and the pain it puts me through. I told them that I love them dearly and I think the world of them but right now I have to do what is best for me.
It really helps talking to all of you, thanks.
Bob
Click More for the next page.
