New Here really need u'r support Sad4now: I have read some posts in this site and i have really benefited from reading, it appears you guys provide great support, i hope you can help me obtain some strength as i really need it.
Here is my story;
I am 28 yrs old, separated from my husband last year August we have no children, but we have been back and forth since then each separation getting more ugly and cruel, until about 2 months ago. We had been together for nearly 6 years, 3 years of courtship then nearly 3 years of marriage. We experienced so much hardship, including a miscarriage and operations following it threatening my ability to have children. We broke up once just before getting married due to his aggression which sometimes became physical and constantly mental, we got back together - though i suffered so much through this breakup as he quickly found someone else and told me to stay away from him which i did, he quickly regretted in doing so and returned. I welcomed him back and we got married. This time i left but after his pleadings returned fairly quickly as i truly did and still do love my husband more than anything in this world, i just couldn't cope with being neglected whilst i needed him most, criticized and made feel a failure, treated like a maid whilst i couldn't even walk from the pain of what I was going through physically, hardly seeing my family or friends because he didn't want to be part of them and didn't like me being away from our home.
I was a very good and devoted wife, i looked after him and like doing so, treated him like gold, never cheated or deceived him. I lived for him, his family his friends that was my life him. We went to counseling due to our intense fights he would get physical but not towards me now towards things around him i would just sit there crying quietly and keep quite until he left so i would clean up the mess. Eventually I just never argued or said anything to him I just lived. After i left and he pleaded stating he realized he took me for granted and mistreated me i thought finally i was hearing what i never thought i would - i went back after 3 weeks, only to have him tell me it was over soon after. This cycle has been ongoing for almost a year even whilst i got devastating news that my father (my only parent) has advanced cancer and has only limited time to live, i suppose it just made me more vulnerable and him more determined to get on with his life.
Now i have given up, i have lost hope. It is very depressing and very hurtful. I suppose i have realized that I had lost him a while ago, maybe it's fair to say i never really had him.
I am not angry or bitter with him or me, i am just very very sad. I am going to be filing for divorce in about 1 or 2 months time when i get more strength together. Am i doing the right thing, i just want it to rest i just want to go on with my life without false hopes and doors open for confusion to walk in. Please help me. I really need support.
Re: New Here really need u'r support hurtingverymuch: Hey Sad,
I'm sooo sorry that you're going through this very tough time and I'm sorry to hear about your dad as well.
You've come to the right place for support, comfort and strength. This site and the people here are great!
First and foremost you need to take care of yourself right now and look out for what's best for you. You need to know that you are NOT a failure and by the sounds of your thread that your H has alot of issues to deal with himself. You definitely don't need to come second and treated so badly.
I know (we all know) how much it hurts. Take one day/hour/minute at a time and again, look after YOU.
I'm sorry if I haven't been much help to you, but please know that we are all here for you to lean on.
Take care!
Hugs
- Hurt
Re: New Here really need u'r support Bob-Bob: Hi Sad4now,
I know you love(d) your husaband, but you need to focus on loving yourself first and foremost.
Noone deserves the treatment you have been subjescted to.
Ask yourself a couple of questions here, has he changed I mean really changed?
Haven't you put yourself through to much already?
It is a great thing to be devoted, loving, and caring. but when and where do you draw the line?
You take care of you. You owe him nothing. You owe yourself better.
It sounds to me like you put alot into the marriage and recieved no emotional, mental, or physical support... think about that... you have been standing on your own two feet all along.
Re: New Here really need u'r support inebr: Welcome to the board. The people here are great and have been a huge source of support to me going through my process of dealing with all the emotions and decisions I'm facing right now.
It's hard to know when it's ok to walk away and know you've done enough and everything you can do. From reading your post, it sounds like you've really stuck in there and have done a lot of compromising to make this work. You deserve the same care and respect that you have given him and it doesn't sound like you're getting it.
Take good care of you, do what you can to move all of your focus and resources and energy on you and taking care of you now. I have come to find that taking care of myself physically, spritually, emotionally gives me the strength I need to make these tough decisons, whatever they may be, and also helps when I really do need to act I have the strength to do so and that I'll come out the other side in one piece.
take good care. Hugs to you.
Re: New Here really need u'r support down2basics: Hey Sad - Welcome to our board. I think you'll find it very helpful in getting you through such a rough time in your life.
I completely concurr with Hurt and inebr...they are sooo right! You need to focus on you - NOW! Don't second guess yourself and don't look back. Move on. With your father being ill - you seriously need to concentrate on taking care of you so that you can be strong for him.
Most importantly, you need to find some peace in your life. You've been living in turmoil for six years now. It's a hard habit to break and counseling may prove helpful in giving you the tools to break this deadly cycle. Stop denying yourself happiness. You deserve it. No one should be treated the way you were treated. Mind games are quite probably more deadly to a person than physical abuse. Bruises and broken bones heal much faster than a broken spirit and broken heart.
Be good to yourself. We are all here for you. If we can help, just IM - we'll do all we can for you!
God Bless You!
d2b
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