Broke up a week ago pagemaster: Hi everyone. I hope it is okay to post in this section even though I was not married.
My girlfriend of 2 and 1/2 years broke up with me last week. The reason was that she felt unhappy. She had also broke up with me just after Christmas and again it was because she felt unhappy. We got back together then which I guess was a mistake but hindsight is 20/20.
Now this where I am confused. I am her first boyfriend. We DID have a very good relationship for the 2 and 1/2 years before. We were friends before that for 2 years. I am five years older than her as I am 26. I have had a first girlfriend.
When she broke up with me. I did not do anything that would be hurtful, sad, or revenge ful. I listened to her explain why and she told me that she did try to change me, she wishes I did more stuff, and overall was unsure if she really wanted to be with me. Our relationship was never based on games or anything like that and furthermore we never had sexual problems, jealousy, money or serious matters. We did have some trouble with minor problems like going here or there. Finally, we never once went to bed angry at each other. Her parents liked me and my parents liked her. She was a very positive influence on me and changed my life and I never felt bad about being with her.
Last March she asked me to go Panama with her sister and brother and law and I could not go because of school. This year she pressed and pressed on me going and I agreed because I had the time and money this time to go. Two days after her brother and law finalized the trip with me she broke up with me.
She called me two days after the break up crying about the fact that he wanted to be with me but felt confused. She was unsure, and all that. She said she is not sure of what guys are like because she is inexperienced.
Now this is the first time we have really been apart. I am not angry or mad. A little sad but I don't want her doing anything she does not want to do.
She had told me after we broke up that I did treat her well (not overly well) and she wants to be with but is unsure it that is what she really feels.
We have left on very good terms and she told me that she wants time to think about what she wants. I do get the sense that it is over for a long while at least if not forever. She did tell me that this break up does not mean 100% forever. She also said that she does not want to pressure because how my parents really like her and all that. She also mentioned that she does not want me waiting around and having false hope which I don't want to have.
I have talked to friends and have been told to let her go and that is what I am doing. But my problem is that the relationship really was a good one (and she admits that too) and I know that a good relationship doesn't come around everyday.
She said that she wished we dated later after she had some experience andI always maintained that she should of had a bf before I went out with her (but I would not change the fact that we went out)
She had also mentioned that she is not sure if she loves me the way I am. I told her that I love her for who she is.
Another thing is that she told me that when together she felt fine and good but it was when apart she began having these doubts.
Also, her sister married her first love which had a seperation for a few months which led to them getting back together.
I hope that one day we do get back together. Not right now. Maybe a few months, years. Who knows. But I don't want her back just because it would stop me from feeling this way. I want her if she loves me for who I am.
I want her to experience life or what it is like to be with guys because I would not want that to be held back in me. We have agreed that we would also eventually want to be friends if we don't get back together.
here is my problem. I remember the saying that if you let a caged bird go and it comes back to you someday then it is really yours.
Does this ever happen in relationships?
Any advice from anyone?
thanks
Re:Broke up a week ago nate1671: ???
I broke up with my girlfriend of one year on our one year anniversary, February 6. She said that she was happy with me and loved me so much, but was worried that something would go wrong in the future or that we would not be able to be together after we both got out of graduate school, so it might be better to break up now because it would be too hard in two years. She also said that she has trust and commitment issues and that she feels like she has to become a healthy individual before she can become a healthy part of a relationship. She also said that she was scared because she was so happy because she didn't think things were supposed to be this good, which meant something had to be wrong. Then she told me she might have feelings for someone else, but thought it was really just because she was freaking out about us. She says that she thought that being together for a year means you're supposed to want to marry that person and she felt too young to get married. I never brought up getting married and told her that we were just still gettin to know each other better. If we broke up I wanted it to be because of us, not fear that something might happen down the road. I told her I would stand by her through anything so long as she didn't push me away. She said that she wanted to stay with me and that she just wished she hadn't ruined my trust.
A couple days later she told me she remembered she had plane tickets to go visit the other guy. I told her I didn't want her to go. I told her I'd pay for her tickets if she didn't go. She said she couldn't give me an answer, so I broke up with her.
After she visited the guy she told me she didn't want to be in a relationship with him, but felt good to be free. She felt like she was heading down the road to marriage with me and that scared her.
I know she has serious trust, commitment, and other emotional issues to deal with. I wish I could be with her though this, but she said she feels like she can't deal with this while in a relastionship. I told her I would stand with her through anything so long as she didn't push me away. She said she wished we could just take a break and get back together, but I told her that was relationship suicide. If we broke up, it was over, and if we got back together, it would just have to happen when she was ready, if I still felt like it. She said she wants me to get over her and move on, but she still hopes we can get back together one day.
This entire thing came out of nowhere. Up until our 1 year anniversary she was completely happy and we were getting along great. The pain has faded slightly, but I still cry every day. I just wish I could find someone who knew what they wanted in life and could be happy in a happy relationship. You wouldn't think its that hard.
Re:Broke up a week ago r7: Pagemaster, Welcome to OJAR! The people around here are pretty great and cam offer some good advice. I'm not sure if I can offer much, I'm still pretty new at this myself (xbf of 5 yrs pulled something very similar to your xgf about 3 weeks ago).
Some people may offer you advice or whatever about how to get her back, I'm not. Sorry. :-\ And if your situation works out, that is wonderful.
I think that the whole, "I need some time to date other people, blah, blah, blah" thing is a cop-out. I know at least in my case, it seems as though he is trying to string me along. He wants the freedom of being single, but he expects me to be there waiting for him when he is done playing.
Instead of trying to figure out how I could get him back, I let him go, and then made a choice that I would begin working on making myself the person that I want to be. I am letting myself heal from the hurt that the situation has caused me, and I am taking every lesson that I have learned to make me a better person and better partner someday to some really wonderful person (who actually deserves me ;))! Above all, respect yourself, and you will be able to find someone else who also respects you!
Anyway, I hope everything works out and you have come to the right place!
Re:Broke up a week ago imjake: Hey Bro,
Take my advice. The same thing happened to me years ago. I was dating a girl for 2 1/2 years whom I loved with all my heart. In fact we were engaged. She also pulled the I love you but i'm scared because you're my first boyfriend scenario. Moreover, she told me that I was a good boyfriend(blah, blah, blah,...) much like your girl did. She wanted to remain friends(not possible for me because the idea of her dating other people would kill me). So I backed off for about six months so she could be free. I was devastated, lost like thirty pounds, started failing out of college. Meanwhile, she proceeded to date some druggy scumbag who treated her like crap.
Then she started coming around again saying that she realized how good she had it when she dated me and that she missed me.... Did I take her back? No!!!!
I realized that if she was the right girl she would not have been able to leave me. I wouldn't have ever left her. Taking her back would have made me feel like a second choice AND THAT'S NOT ACCEPTABLE!
Listen, I do know couples that have broken up and got back together, but in these cases the dumper always came back begging. If it's meant to be she will come back on her knees, trust me. The best thing you can do is move on with your life. If you hang around being her friend she will never be forced to realize what a great guy she lost!!!!
Good luck stay strong
Re:Broke up a week ago imjake: Also, if you love her for who she is dont you deserve someone who loves you the same way. There are plenty
of great women who would never leave you. It should'nt
taking losing you to appreciate how awsome you are.
Think about Christopher Reeve's wife, she accepted him when he was healthy and after his accident. Did she leave? No My point is even if you are her first boyfriend that should'nt matter. My mother and father never needed to shop around and they were each others first
everything.
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