that's fair? isn't it? teacherwriterguy: Hello all,
Just had "a moment" tonight, some contact with the stbx (Not part of Team No Contact yet - too many practical details to be taking care of), and wanted a) to vent, b) some feedback.
I mentioned in an earlier post - I separated from my wife back at Xmas this year at her urging. She needed "space" and time to "sort things out". We attended one couples counseling session, at my request, and then she said she wasn't ready for counseling. The next time I heard from her, she e-mailed me, saying she'd moved out of state, in with another guy (though she says it's platonic (even longer story)), and that was that.
We're in the midst of dealing with just the daily whatever of getting the divorce set up and finalized. One of the bigger hassles is that, since I'm now the one living in our house and she moved out of state taking virtually nothing with her, she now wants her things.
I'm not petty, or vindictive. I'm not keeping her stuff (clothes, whatnot). However, today she asked me if I would pack a box or two of her clothes and ship them to her. She just got a job and needed some work clothes for the job, and really had taken nothing with her.
My answer was to ask her to contact her family, arrange for them to come over to the house, pack her things and ship them. I said that, if they refused or would not, if I had to, I would do it, but that really I didn't think it should my job to arrange getting her stuff to her. I feel like all of the technical hassles of cleaning the house, packing up belongings, putting the house on market, etc. etc. have been left to me, and that she basically ran away and just left me to deal with the mess left behind.
So, I balked at the idea of sending her 1-2 boxes of clothes, even if it's not that huge of an effort to do it. I just felt like it shouldn't be my job. I did say that I'd do if it I had to - I certainly want her to be able to work at her new job, b/c she's going to need money soon (again she left with nothing).
Am I being fair? Am I being irrational? I'm trying to find a balance between being decent about all of this and not being a pushover.
teacherwriterguy
Re:that's fair? isn't it? Dino: You are being absolutely reasonable and fair. She left without forethought and it isn't your responsibility to help her out. Any responsibility you had to her finished when she walked out on you. Remember that. If you don't feel like doing it, don't. You are totally within your moral rights.
Re:that's fair? isn't it? Shanna: I would just send the stuff....COD ;)
I wouldn't want her family or friends in the house.
Re:that's fair? isn't it? teacherwriterguy: Sadly... in some ways her family has been more supportive of me than her. I've almost been one of the more reasonable ones with her. Her family is giving her worlds of #@!*!# for walking out.
Is it totally bizzarre that I feel a little sympathy with her? I mean, I think she did a dumb thing. A) I think I'm a pretty good guy (*cough cough*) and B) she put herself in a really desperate situation without a lot of resources. I do occasionally feel torn between being angry as heck over what's happened and wanting to see things come out okay for her.
teacherwriterguy
Re:that's fair? isn't it? Sad Eyes: Wow! You are in a situation...I kept going back and forth between telling you to pack a few boxes and then telling not to and telling her to come and get her stuff. If you do it for her you are enabling her to be irresponsible and immature. Either way...you need to do what you feel is right.
Yes, you do seem like very nice guy...her loss for losing somebody like you.
It's up to you....take time and think about it. :)
SE
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