Re:role + importance of talking Daniel: I tend to zone out if someone just babbles away. A good discussion every now and then is fine, but the rest of the time I just prefer simple physical signs of affection. Those are enough communication for me. However this can cause problems because not everyone has ESP.
-Daniel
Re:role + importance of talking Jennicole: to make it work, you really need to find either your opposite, or someone just like you. (another oxmoron huh?) what i mean is, my husband and i are opposites. he doesnt talk all that much, which is fine by me because i talk a lot. they key is, he is ok with that. he likes to listen to me ramble on and on. either about meaningless junk or stuff that has importance. so we are opposites. my brother is like me, and sometimes we are both fighting to be able to talk.
now on the other hand, if you want to be ok with silence, you really need to find someone who feels the same, because if not hurt feeling could ensue. if my husband didnt want to listen to me ramble, it would hurt my feelings becuase it would make me feel like he wanted me to just sit and shut up. i am outgoing, i am loud, i am obnoxious, i DONT shut up. for him to want me to, would be him wanting to change me.
so as i have rambled you probably are annoyed and just want me to shut up. ;) ;D
Re:role + importance of talking JimB: [quote author=Medusa link=board=6;threadid=8033;start=0#msg63873 date=1108746049">
Do you talk more once you're together with someone, or during the process?
I'm going on vacation from dating, so this falls in the category of what-do-I-want and so on.
[/quote">
OK, I'll try to evaluate the topic in that spirit.
On the surface of things, my current gf is a talker and I am not. In general, I gravitate towards people who are able to talk freely, because I'm more of a contributor to a conversation than a creator of one.
When you take things a little deeper, there are times when I appreciate my gf's gift of gab because it takes the pressure off me to hold a conversation. And then there are times when her constant chatter is like fingernails on a chalkboard. So what it boils down to is that it's about ME, not her. If I'm in a place where I'm easily annoyed, she's going to annoy me, whether it's by talking or by not talking. If I'm in my appreciative, empathetic place, I'm going to like being around her, whether she's talking or not.
So I guess what I'm trying to say is this: I don't have a requirement on my list that has anything to do with how the other person talks. You have to have basic communication skills or I ain't gonna waste my time on you. But the way in which you communicate is a matter of style, not substance. And I firmly believe that I connect with people based on their substance, not their style.
I also used to think you need to find someone either your opposite or your twin in this category. Now I think that's a load of crap. Anyone you're with who you like will start to take on characteristics of either being like you or opposite you. There's nothing wrong with that - it's very natural. But it's important to realize that is perception, not reality.
Re:role + importance of talking Jennicole: so im a load of crap now? sheesh. ;)
Re:role + importance of talking Beren: [quote"> there are times when I appreciate my gf's gift of gab because it takes the pressure off me to hold a conversation. And then there are times when her constant chatter is like fingernails on a chalkboard. So what it boils down to is that it's about ME, not her. --JimB[/quote">
This is pretty much how I see things, too. Not specifically about talking; just everything in general. Other people weren't put on this earth for my pleasure or fulfillment. There's nothing wrong with them if they don't want to talk about the topics I'm interested in, at the time I want to talk about them, and with the same quantity of words I'd like them to use. I can choose to be annoyed by it, or I can tolerate (perhaps even appreciate) the differences.
"It's easier to put on slippers than to carpet the whole world." --Al Franken as Stuart Smalley
Grizzly Beren
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