Re:It's official..She's moving out. What now? DazednConfused: I have expressed those exact sentiments to her, and she seems unwilling to stop seeing him. The frequency of the time they spend togehter has decreased,but I know they talk several times a day. I figure I'll see how things progrss over the next few weeks and months. I think at this point I do still want my marriage, but I am emotionally prepared for whatever happens. Our relationship has been on a downward slide for the past six months or so, and I have been so sad. I have always been a vey happy, upbet person, and I just havn't been myself lately. Something changed when I found out she found a place. Almost like relief that there is finally a resolution. We have been going back and fourth on the subject of separation for awhile now, and I've been so down. I really, truly felt happier today than I have in a long time. I am still sad about the situation. I guess it is difficult to explain. Maybe we do just need some spake from each other. I'm still very confused. My good mood has kinda confused me even more.
Re:It's official..She's moving out. What now? flamingo13: DazednConfused,
This is merely my opinion and not an endorsement of any course of action. I am assuming there are no children involved and she does not have a major psychological illness/disorder.
As a man who has been married twice (currently in a 14~15 year marriage with ++ children from current marriage only), if she is not willing to part from this other individual, then you need to begin separating yourself emotionally from her. There is no reason for her to continue to keep this OM in her life, platonic or not. I have survived many affairs in my first marriage and one or more in my current marriage. I have never been unfaithful nor would I ever. My wife has known since dating that I will divorce (and it will be finalized) before I would ever engage in such activity. I simply do not believe in it while married to someone. I won't do it to our children, her, the other person, nor myself.
I would suggest that you not tell her things that would push her farther away, but take a personal approach to better preparing yourself for either divorce or an improved relationship with her. Engage in private counseling for yourself to help you deal with this better and to help you grow as an individual. Through work on personal growth, you WILL come out of this improved. If she gives up on the marriage, then you will be as prepared as possible for the emotional & spiritual consequences. If she decides to do her part in repairing this marriage, you will be a better spouse, friend, and individual.
My heart goes out to you in this time of pain. Count your friends as few and keep them close. These are times that try men's (and women's :) ) souls.
Re:It's official..She's moving out. What now? A002702: Sounds like the classic " I want my cake and eat it too syndrome" She is keeping you on th eside just in case it doesnt work out with this guy and you are there waiting in the wing. Break it! Show her that you deserve more respect than that. If this other man is more important than ya'll reconciling, then let her know you wont stand for it. My 2 cents
Re:It's official..She's moving out. What now? flamingo13: Absolutely, what CD posted.
Do NOT be a doormat. She will lose respect for you and you will have lost respect for yourself.
I would recommend avoiding deep discussions with her about your feelings. I would not be angry nor sad in her presence. I would simply be firm and have your realistic self boundaries defined and in force.
Remember how you conducted yourself while dating her. Put your best foot forward and let the best of yourself shine through.
