packing - overwhelmed teacherwriterguy: Since my wife moved out of state, I'm in the position of having to pack up our entire two-story house and prepare it for sale.
Feeling overwhelmed. How did other people get through this?
It's not the emotional part - sure there's stuff that gets me down as I'm packing it up, but just the enormity of DOING all of it. I've been up since nine this morning (it's 2:30 now), and all I've been doing is cleaning and packing. I feel like I haven't made a dent.
I keep pressing her to get her family to come out and pack some of her things up. They haven't yet. Even if they do, no offense, but they've always kind of been a lazy family. Who knows how much they'll get accomplished? So then I'm left either packing her things up or throwing them out.
I know it's not my job to pack her stuff. She's the one who made the decision to walk out. She should be dealing with the consequences of getting her personal items to her. However, it ends up being on my shoulders. Her family drags their heels. My family will do it but resent doing it. She's in another state with virtually no money AND she doesn't drive anyway, so it's like, "Here. Deal with everything."
And then you add on top of it all the furniture, the china, the plates, and on and on and on and on.
Anybody else been in this position or something similar? How did you handle it?
teacherwriterguy
Re:packing - overwhelmed Amira: I'm in the process of doing it now so I can definitely sympathize.
Here's what I do. First I put on some really upbeat music (not the TV--otherwise it will suck me in and I won't do anything). I put on something that makes me smile (no Celtic music as the bagpipes make me all depressed, no sad "my wife left me country music") so generally what I've been using is old 80's music (She Blinded Me with Science, Jessie's Girl, No Myth, Rebel Yell, etc.).
Then I set out three boxes (one for packing, one for donating, one for the trash bin [o.k., so, I use a trash bag instead of a box"> ). Then I pack in one room for 15 minutes (using the good old kitchen timer), then when the buzzer sounds, I go into another room for 15 minutes, buzzer, 3rd room for 15 minutes. After 45 minutes, I take a break and watch a comedy for 15 minutes. Then I start the whole process again. I work for a maximum of 4 hours, then I take 20 minutes to clean up, seal what boxes I can, put the boxes aside and go do something fun.
For packing dishes, use paper plates in between each one. They cushion them great. Go to the local newspaper or U-Haul and buy the plain unprinted newsprint for packing around stuff and use the printed stuff for cushioning only.
As for her clothes, I'd take them off the hanger, fold them quickly and stuff them in a box. If they're dry clean only and wrinkle that's her freaking fault. Maybe she should have gotten her butt back there and packed them herself. I wouldn't spend a lot of time and effort on it. I'd make it obvious that they weren't just tossed haphazardly into a box, but think of yourself as a professional mover here...don't put anymore time or effort than they would into it.
Hey, you're not getting paid to do this and your time is worth something to you. Besides, packing time takes you away from your worthy friends here at Ojar! : )
I don't know if you have a list of what is supposed to go to her or not, but frankly, she abandoned the marriage and you, so, I'd say that whatever she left behind that wasn't personally hers before marriage, ought to stay with you and you can move it into your new pad.
Just keep reminding yourself, this too shall pass.
Re:packing - overwhelmed CoryL: I didn't have to pack the entire house, but I did help my ex move out when the day came.
I found myself in a mental area where all I wanted to do was pack up all her stuff and get it out. I didn't eat, didn't take a break, and hardly spoke. I don't know how I got to that mental place, but I am glad I did.
I helped her pack her things because I know that no matter what, she cannot say I'm a bad person or that I never helped her with anything. Plus I knew that if I didn't, she wouldn't.
I like Amira's suggestions. It makes it seem less immense that way.
Re:packing - overwhelmed raistlynne: wait... why are you packing her stuff? if she walked out and doesnt have any intention of coming to claim her things - toss them!!! You dont owe it to her to pack her things - at least imho. Maybe it sounds harsh, but why should you do it?
Re:packing - overwhelmed paul76: raistlynne.....
I dont know if that is the way to go....throwing her things out probably isnt the best idea. I know that in VT during the divorce you are legally not allowed to sell or throw away any items that are owned by the other party.
I would however leave them in a huge pile in the basement for her to pack at her leisure. Hopefully you get lucky and the basement gets a little bit of water in it!
;D
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