Re:Perhaps this will give some people hope... sheydp: NoEscape - you know how I feel about this- but I want to publicly say that I am so proud of how far you have come -not just in being a better husband, more attentive love and lover, but in working through your jealousy and anger - that is a very difficult thing!!! Congratulations!!!! ;D ;D ;D
Re:Perhaps this will give some people hope... confusedinca:
Just curious, if it wasn't for the EA, you never would have changed for her?
I am in a very similar situation, I had a PA because I felt my husband felt the same way about me as your wife thought you felt about her. I have discontinued that relationship and am trying to get into some kind of counseling with my husband. He never did find out about the OM by the way. I mentioned to a friend that maybe I should come clean to my husband so he would know unhappy I really was and how seriously close to completely losing me he was, she said the only reason I would want to tell him that would be to hurt him and that in no way would that be necessary.
Re:Perhaps this will give some people hope... 30 Something: I am happy for you, that things are working out. Obviously, if a relationship is going to survive a situation such as yours, both persons have to be willing to work at it. It sounds like this is the case.
Marriage is an at-will proposition. You get out of it what you put into it. I would have been more than willing to work on the marriage, if my husband had done what he did after we were married (read my post from yesterday-"My Story"). I have filed for an anullment, because I was frauded pre-maritally.
Congratulations, and hold tight to your relationship. It is precious, dear, and a rarity that two people such as yourselves are willing to really work at it. That is a gift.
Re:Perhaps this will give some people hope... NoEscape: [quote author=confusedinca link=board=1;threadid=8066;start=0#msg64330 date=1108967930">
Just curious, if it wasn't for the EA, you never would have changed for her?
I am in a very similar situation, I had a PA because I felt my husband felt the same way about me as your wife thought you felt about her. I have discontinued that relationship and am trying to get into some kind of counseling with my husband. He never did find out about the OM by the way. I mentioned to a friend that maybe I should come clean to my husband so he would know unhappy I really was and how seriously close to completely losing me he was, she said the only reason I would want to tell him that would be to hurt him and that in no way would that be necessary.
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I dont think I would have changed because I had no idea how unhappy my wife was. Sometimes she would say she loves me more than anything and I am her soulmate etc...and other times she would say shes been unhappy for years and we should get a divorce...I didnt know which to believe. If she also made a visit to an attorney for divorce i would have taken her seriously and not just thought she was in a bad mood and projecting that bad mood onto our relationship. For me---and this may be just me. The fact that it was not a PA was HUGE to me. The thought of my wife making many key decisions to actually sleep with someone--(agree to go out, make out, take clothes off, get protection and then ultimately have sex with someone) would have been too much for me to handle. Most PA's for women are also EA's and that would have really been the point of no return...**for me**. I dont know your whole relationship so I dont know if its a good idea to tell your husband. If you go to therapy you will be going thru it lying the whole time...not sure if thats productive or not. why did u break off with OM? was it just a random mistake or did you have a relationship with him? Did you see no future with him or realize you love your husband? Furthermore...has your husband changed?
Re:Perhaps this will give some people hope... Jennicole: noescape,
i am a true believer that to really be happy, you have to experience true unhappiness and pain first. i am so happy for you, becuase a lot of times, people who truly love each other give up on a wonderful marriage because they are too stuborn, or spiteful. i never had an affair, and neither did my husband, but it took us sitting down and me telling him we had to divide all our assets for him to see that i was serious, not just having a bad day. after that we held each other cried, and said we wanted to work on it.
i hope this doesnt sound like an infomercial, but i bought the cd's light her fire/ light his fire. they have helped SO MUCH. we are so happy right now, i cant even believe a month ago we were on the verge of splitting up. maybe those cd's could help you guys on your road to recovery? i hope the best for you!
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