I feel so stupid minneapolis: My husband and I dated for 7 years before we got married 5 years ago. Everything was fine (i thought), we rarely fought, were working on remodeling our house, had a trip to Europe planned, were trying to have a baby. Then WHAM, after Christmas he announces that he doesn't love me anymore, that he probably never did.
What?! I was so confused, it didn't make sense. If he didn't love me why did we get married, buy a house, try for a baby?? Friends asked if there was another woman. I had of course asked him this multiple times and he always denied it. I even snooped around looking for anything to indicate there was another woman but found nothing. I insisted to everyone that there was no one else.
Then Thursday I opened up his credit card bill and saw that he bought 2 tickets to Cancun for next weekend. He told me he was going to FL next weekend for work. The next day I called the airline and in a truly Oscar worthy performance, managed to get the name of the passengers traveling....of course it was a woman's name. Of course there is another woman. There is always another woman. How could I have been so dumb?
I have not let on that I know the truth, but I've been uncovering more proof everywhere I look (it's amazing how much you can find out with just a person's social security number and their zip code). I am devastated.
I considered calling to cancel their tickets. I considered waiting until the flight was in the air and then canceling his credit cards so he would have no way to pay while they are there. I considered calling the other woman (who he text messaged 121 times since January 12th!). My lawyer advises letting them take their trip and having him served as soon as he walks off the plane back home. I can see that that is the right thing to do, but there seems to be little satisfation in that for me.
Anybody else have any better ideas? I know that revenge is never all it's crackd up to be, but for right now I just want to fantasize about what I could do to him to make it hurt like he's hurt me. I'm sure in the end I will take my lawyer's advice.
p.s. this really hurts.
Re:I feel so stupid Dino: I think take your lawyers advice. I too dreamed of ultimate methods of revenge.
Will you feel better in the long run if you get your revenge? I didn't think that I would, which is why I never extracted my revenge upon my ex. I feel I am a stronger person for having taken the blow and not struck back at her.
It's not a matter of being dumb. Long term relationships have an inherent aspect of trust. If you trust someone, you can't be expected to discover their affairs if you believe what they say.
If your husband did this to you, he will probably do it to her. Let her keep him. I think you should just take steps to protect any interests you have in the relationship(money, house, cars etc).
take care
Re:I feel so stupid Amira: I'm really sorry about this having had happened. I can't imagine what you're going through or feeling right now, but I can sympathize with you.
Let him have his little Cancun trip and get busy while he's gone. Technically, what he's done if he's leaving you to go on a trip with another woman can be considered abandoning the marriage. Particularly since he is lying about where he is going and why.
Are the two of you still living together? If so, I recommend that you start doing your detective work now. How much do you owe to whom and for how long? Are the credit cards he's using in his name only or are they held jointly? If so, I'd cancel the ones held jointly RIGHT NOW. Why should you get saddled with even more debt that will have to be split between the two of you so he can take his doxy on a vacation?!?
If he asks, inform him that you're getting things settled and taken care of. Don't let on that you know.
I don't know what the laws are in Florida, but I do know that in my state of Maryland, that adultery is still on the books there. It is not a no fault state. If you can, I would have him served for divorce immediately on grounds of adultery just as your attorney suggested, when he walks off the plane. Again, if adultery is still on the books in Florida, have her served at the same time too. That's what I did to my husband's girlfriend and boy was she aggravated. It also got the ball in my court and stopped a lot of the harassment I had been dealing with on his part.
Then I'd go completely dark on your husband. I'd even consider changing the locks. It is jointly your house and technically he could still break back in, but if he leaves in some states that is still considered abandonment and you are within your rights to claim he has abandoned the marriage and you.
As for how you deal with him, I'd let him contact you and I wouldn't give him any information on my whereabouts, schedule or what I'm doing with my life. Let him wonder for a change.
I don't know....I wish I could give you better advice. You probably shouldn't have the locks changed but honestly, I am so angry and upset for you. I'd like to kick the creep in the shins.
Re:I feel so stupid willow78: Please don't feel stupid! If you feel stupid then I have to also! I did the same thing. I was blind to everything and I believed all his lies. That is until I woke up and put 2 and 2 together. Then i began to snoop and I started finding all kinds of things. I began noticing him acting weird. i would find things in his wallet, and take them out or I would listen to his messeges on his cell phone. Being the good person that I am suppossed to be, I would feel guilty afterwards, and then I would be afraid that he would find out what I did and be mad at me!!!!! Crazy huh? Man when you love someone you do some crazy things.:-[
Re:I feel so stupid tupsie: Dont feel stupid for trusting someone who is suppose to be your life partner ,thats what you are suppose to do.I know it really hurts when you find out whats been going on but that is his failer not yours . One thing I have come to learn is that just because you hold up your end of the relationship doesnt mean the other person will.You think you know someone really well then the next thing you know you are stairing at astranger. Dated 10 years very young when we first got together married 6years never thought it would come down like this myself. Hold your head high he should be ashamed and so should the person he is with (Im sure she knows about you)THey deserve each other . Scumbags.
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