importance of relationship Dino: A couple of years ago when I graduated from university, I got myself a fairly average job. Most of my fellow classmates had quite good jobs in comparison and were earning at least double what I was getting. Some had houses and cars while I had nothing really. What I did have at the time was a good relationship. I valued it greatly.
I always felt that no matter what happened, I could rely on my partner to be there for me and we would pull through together. My relationship for the last couple of years was the thing I valued most in my life. If I had lost my job, or been ill, it wouldn't have mattered greatly to me because I felt I had something more important than that. The reasons I wanted to get a better job and stay healthy were that I wanted to better take care of my ex and keep the relationship moving forward.
Now that I am living for myself, I don't have any drive. I have a new job now(really good one). The only reason I feel I am working at the moment is so I can continue my mortgage repayments and keep busy. I don't feel the satisfaction of my job that I did before the breakup.
Why do you think we tie out self worth to our relationships in such a way. It's not that I doubt my self worth now, I just don't feel the urge to better myself. I had plans for the future with her, long term plans. Now I can barely plan what I am doing a week away. Whats more, I don't care.
i dunno.....just rambling along.....slow day..
Re:importance of relationship OldSchool: Well yes I felt the same exact way, and it's taken me sometime to snap out of it. There are so many factors that I took into consideration before marrying my ex. I wanted to make sure to grow within the confines of our marraige and to become a sole provider when we'd start to have kids. I never had that chance... and I'll possibly have that chance in the future, but I'm not going to beat up myself right now about it.
My attitude not only carried through my work, but in my social life, and my health in some aspects. I didn't really have goals, no drive, no passion for life, because I was stuck in the past. I tried drinking binges, smoking cigarettes, relationships, running, biking, etc... none of things filled the void left in my heart, but at some point I started really listening and trying to become a better person.
My life is full of accomplishments, and I didn't want my life to be a waste. I'd curtailed the late nights, drinking binges where I'd have to be wasted, become friendlier with my boss, and have started to pursue a different career focus right now. Not everything is 100% perfect now, but I've been on the right track for about 6 months now, and actually longer than that...
I had to convince myself more than anything, that I matter again, that my life isn't a waste. So many people around me at work and even on ojar, that although I'm far from perfect can and do put my heart and soul into my life. That's all I strived for in my personal as well as married life. To do the very best I can each and every day.
take care,
OS
Re:importance of relationship Dino: Thanks OS
I got together with my ex when we were very young. I had just started at university. Most of the things I have accomplished were while I was with my ex. I find it difficult to feel happy about them as they my ex was such a large part of them.
I have forgotten what it is like to be single. I am unacquainted with doing anything without a partner.
Re:importance of relationship OldSchool: I know. I couldn't go to the frick'n grocery store by myself without shedding a tear, because that' something we always did together. Even walking through our local Woodfield shopping mall, I tooka hiatus from there for over 18 months or so. She would drag me there all the time, because she didn't have girlfriends to go with her... isn't that something??? I was her shopping buddy as well as husband... but heck, I loved it too.
I loved the feeling of going back to school knowing that she supported me, then getting passing tests and continuing my education looking towards the future.
As I look at it now, it does make sense that my accomplishments now will make me a better person down the road. In the off-chance I do connect with another again, then I'll bring in so many positives instead of a laundry list of negatives from my history.
I don't put my love out there for just anyone, and can tell you're the same way. It'll happen again, but you obviously have other priorities to handle first. The goals you set in the future will mean so much more to you. You'll see... it's a very powerful and satisfying feeling to just do the simplest things for yourself again.
OS
Re:importance of relationship sheydp: I too wrapped my entire self into my family. Everything I wanted to do, to experience, was about that. In my situation, there were also kids, but the loss of him was like losing my family - the dream of mom and dad and kids in one big happy family... It didn't help that I still loved him, still cared... I did what I was supposed to do - found a good job, took classes - did things for myself and by myself. I wondered why I had no drive, why I didn't love all these things I used to love... I knew it was the divorce, but I didn't understand how it could do this to me (you expressed it so much better than I could understand at the time...)
I have to be honest, what broke my funk is finding someone who was interesting and attractive - but completely unattainable (which is what I want for him- though he has trouble believing that, I think). Once I realized I COULD have fun, could be interested in people, it was like my world became colorized... I started SEEING people, smiling again, laughing and meaning it, enjoying other things again... I don't think it has to be about another person, though, having said that - in fact, it may not have been about the guy, but maybe the other things too - if you find something interesting - something you care about, and it helps you to remember being happy - you will wake up. I feel this way, without a partner, just knowing I can. Don't expect to jump right up and feel happy about accomplishments alone just because you think you should - our emotions aren't always that easy on us - but it WILL come!
