Re:Oh the guilt!! Chey: You're absolutely right...marriage IS about "for better or for worse"..not about "while I'm in love and everything is great". Marriage is HARD WORK. It's the biggest challenge we will face in our lives. We have the right to trust our partner that when they take those vows, they'll honour them. And yet so many walk away when things get a little tough...when they feel there must be more to life...the grass must be greener. So they walk away. And boy the mess they leave behind is unbelievable.
So....what do you do about it? What plans do you make for the future....what do you do about the here and now...and how do we start to pick up the pieces.
One step at a time honey...small or not, at least they'll be forward moving.
Chey
Re:Oh the guilt!! willow78: :PMove forward to what? I spend all of my time trying to figure this crap out, and cleaning up the mess he made, that I can't see what is in front of me.I am sure i will never figure it out, but I can't help racking my brain trying to. I know life holds many pleasures for us all, but right now I am having a hard time finding any.
Re:Oh the guilt!! teacherwriterguy: [quote"> Move forward to what? I spend all of my time trying to figure this crap out, and cleaning up the mess he made, that I can't see what is in front of me.[/quote">
I know what you mean - sometimes just the day to day mess of dealing with all the divorce/breakup/relationship fallout overwhelms all thoughts of other things.
Maybe all Chey means is not to forget to look at the positives of getting to reinvent yourself, make positive changes in your life. It's easy to get caught up in the garbage of the moment, but there's going to come a time when that garbage is done, when you get to look back proudly and say, "Here's a new life I built for myself."
teacherwriterguy
Re:Oh the guilt!! sheydp: I saw something in your second post, that was missing in your first - You are angry at him, too! Yay for you! You know, deep in your heart, that it wasn't your fault, at least not yours alone. He had a say in all of this, he had choices to make - and he made some wrong ones! You were not perfect, no one is. You missed an opportunity (haven't we all!!!) Now, though, you have a chance to make of yourself what you want to be. You can do the counseling, get it out, learn better ways of dealing with things, and be strong! You will be a better person, bring more to any other relationship you have. You have to live with your choices, and sometimes that hurts and is hard. You didn't cheat, though. He has to live with that choice forever, too. Once you are aware both have to contribute to a break-up, and have accepted that you have a part, but not the whole thing, the rest is cleaning up the details - the real work... But it will be rewarding, in the end! Make any sense? (Very tired, sorry...)
Re:Oh the guilt!! willow78: Yes it does make sense. And i know that cheating was a choice he made,he knew he was married and that it was wrong.But it just ticks me off that , because of what happened, we are the ones dragging our a**es around cleaning up the garbage, while it seems they have everything they want! Do they only suffer for a minute? Because I am sure they aren't going through the h*ll that we are, day after day after day. Living with it is so very hurtful and agonizing. I wonder sometimes why we have to suffer so much, life is so short, why can't we just have what we want to be happy always?
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