On the verge of divorce #2 - HOW??? jencderby: I am on the verge of divorce number two and I am mortified! My first marriage ended because there were no feelings between the two of us. We got married too young and (the real kicker...) I'm sure he's gay. The pain of my marriage ending was severe, but I got through it and met, who I thought, was a wonderful guy.
We got married 3 1/2 years ago and now he's pretty sure he can't be married to me anymore. It's awful because I feel like I should just leave, but how can I be under 35 and divorced twice? How will anyone ever love me?
The details of the strife in our marriage are too complex to go into, but some highlights...
1. he's now decided that he never wants kids, something I don't think I can live without.
2. he's disappointed because he never envisioned being married to someone who wasn't "115 - 120 lbs"! Mind you, I'm not fat - I'm a size 6/8 and take good care of myself.
3. I heard a message on his cell phone from a girl singing Happy Birthday to him, calling him "baby", and saying she can't wait to see him tomorrow! He won't give me any details on this except that he says he has definitely not broken the vows of our marriage, he doesn't have a girlfriend, and - get this - the call is from a stripper who he sees on a regular basis. She's just calling one of her best clients to say Happy Birthday!!
Unbelievable!!! I think of myself as a very normal person, how could I have possibly gotten myself into a relationship like this?!?! I feel stuck between two very bad situations - another divorce or staying married to a jack ass like this!!
I'm glad I found this group - maybe I can feel like I'm not completely alone in this!
Re:On the verge of divorce #2 - HOW??? BigRunner493: hey charlotte,
the he$$ with anyone that judges you because you've been through 2 divorces. maybe it is not you, but the guys you choose to marry. don't beat yourself up or keep count of how many failed marriages you've been through. you are perfect for someone, just not these 2.
you need to be happy and i don't think staying with this guy is what you need.....just a guy's perspective.
was he your first relationship after being divorced?? was he ever married before?? so much goes into a relationship and i seriously doubt anyone here would judge you....in fact i know they won't.
hang in there and there is plenty of good people here with a lot of good advice.
tc,
br
Re:On the verge of divorce #2 - HOW??? jencderby: Thanks! It's good to have people listen to you, just so you don't sound so crazy in your own head. Does that make any sense?
Anyway, we've both been married before. He wasn't my first relationship after the divorce, and I wasn't his. I had been divorced for a year when I met him and he had been divorced for two years. We both thought we were stable and wiser for having survived a divorce. Guess we were wrong!
My gut tells me that you're right that this guy is not going to make me happy, but making that decision to leave seems impossible. I'm terrified my family will disown me and I'll be alone for the rest of my life. Like some schoolgirl idiot, I have this tiny hope that this is all just a bad dream and everything will be perfect tomorrow. If only it were that easy! :)
Thanks for your support! Charlotte
Re:On the verge of divorce #2 - HOW??? 30 Something: Thank you for your response to my post (I am 30 Something)-you know, the one hopefully getting the anullment).
Hang in there. As far as the stripper goes, and his justification that he did not break any marital vows, remember that addicts can make their mouth say anything. And they HONESTLY BELIEVE the lies that they tell. Trust me, I am anulling my marriage to one.
Crank out your CD player, and if you do not have Destinys Child CD "Survivor" I suggest you get it. That CD has helped pull me out of the gutter the last month.
One final note: If you truly are with a sex addict like I was, one of the things that they do, is marry very strong women (you can find solace in this). The addiction propels them to very weak women. Trust that you are STRONG, and that you will go forward, and that your RADAR will be fine tuned.. it will weed out the bad from now on, and draw in the good.
Re:On the verge of divorce #2 - HOW??? jencderby: Yes, I need to get that CD, I love that song. Another good one - "I will Survive" - not sure who sang it, but Cake did a great version of it.
I guess it is a little comforting to know that they marry strong women. I just keep wracking my brain trying to figure out how I got in this situation. I'm an intelligent person, how could I have been so blind? I'm afraid that my radar is broken! :)
You seem to know about sexual addiction, are there any resources you'd recommend? I'd like to learn a little more about it.
Thanks for the kind words!
