I hate my fiance nygirl: I am so MAD tonight, >:( I can't even think straight.
I'm the one whose fiance went on a 20 day trip to w/o me. I know I shouldn't be selfish and expect him not to go on a trip w/o me. But it's been about 16 days and i can't take the loneliness.
I realized over the last two weeks that I wasn't happy with him.
I realized that he isn't the one for me.
I was probably, subconsiously, dreading being left alone because some how i would relaize that i wasn't happy with him and want to break up with him.
But right now, i'm soo frustrated. i'm so confused!
I really hate him ... for putting me through this lonliness.
Maybe i'm blaming him for making me do what i really wanted in the first place but wasn't sure.
but I really don't want to break up with him.
But i feel like he is taking advantage of my love for him. I really do think it's wrong for him to go on that trip.
I needed his support. I had done really bad in school last semester. I was getting rejected from job interviews left and right. I was feeling so inadequate as a student and a partner to him. He always made me feel that I wasn't doing enough as a woman in taking care of the house and making dinner for him. He never supported me for getting into grduate school before him. He feels like he's been supporting me financially and i should do evrything he tells me to do.
I needed him to be there emotionally for me... and he just left. Said he needed a vacation.
ARGGGGH!
i can't believe i thought about going to therapy. I'm not even sure I want to keep this relationship. :-\
I'm so confused. And tired of thinking about this. I'm so emotionally drained.
How do you know you can forgive someone else for leaving at a time when you need them the most?
is this something that I have to do as a partner? To realize that he has a life outside of our relationship? Isn't he suppose to support me emotionally?
what happens when we get married and i'm going through some traumatic life experiences and he wants to take another long trip?!
I guess our love is not that strong. or else he would not have went on this vacation. I'm soo sad. I'm so lonely. There's nobody in the house with me.
How could he be out there having fun??
UGh! I'm sorry. I really needed to vent.
i guess i might be in the wrong place... since i'm in the middle of deciding to break things off. I just don't know if I'm doing the right thing. And needed to vent.
Re:I hate my fiance paul76: Fire away as often as you need to....
Every single one of us on here has done it at least ten times!
Re:I hate my fiance teacherwriterguy: To a large degree, I agree with Crushed.
In my case, I knew - in my heart of hearts - before I got married that significant problems existing. Didn't want to really deal with them back then because - well because of a lot of things, really. Mostly because you invest a lot to love someone, and you want to see the best in them.
Listen to your gut though. If this trip really was a "deal breaker", the problem will just come back and rear its head again later, after marriage, when doing something about it is much more painful.
teacherwriterguy
Re:I hate my fiance nygirl: I agree with you guys.
It's just that he always tells me that he will change. He says that I'm the only one for him and how much he loves me. He says all the nicest things... and i believe him.
The worst part is we have so many huge fights. I realized that I wasn't really happy with him. I was the one always starting the big fights.
Our living sitution is so weird.
We live in a apartment with his mom and my cousin and her son for about a year now.
I feel like we haven't had time to spend time together just the two of us.
I already feel like I'm married with a kid and trying to cope with everybody's schedules.
I feel like I have been compromising soo much.
We have soo many issues to deal with.
We've been together for four years, and engaged about a year and a half.
I think all the fighting started when we started living together.
I never knew how much of a slob he is. And He's always hanging out with his buddies drinking and coming home late (4AM).
We don't have alot of time to see each other. he works for the city and I'm in law school. We only see each other when i get home around 9PM. And i go to sleep around 12 at night. So really we only have 3 hours when we're in the house at the same time.
But then there's making dinner, showering, and by the time i'm relaxed enough... i'm so tired from the day that we don't really get a chance to talk and reconnect.
He just sits and watches t.v or talking on the hpone with his friends for hours. So even if I have a free moment... he's busy taking care of his needs.
I know that after being married... it will be worse... we're gonna have kids and more bills and other stuff.
I don't know if it's our schedules that messing us up or that I've lost the loving feelings that I had for him.
The thing with "settling" is is that I don't know if I'm settling for less than i could have or that i expect too much and I shoudl realize that there are always something wrong with the other person. That no one's perfect.
But then i think I deserve more... at least someone who is more like me.
Me Him
Chinese Jamaican
24 yrs old 29 years old
Poetry and theatre bars and cartoons
non-drinker drinker
Shy nerd-type College frat boy type
But we both are liberals, want to raise kids, and similar philosophy on life [Try it once and if we don't like it, then at least we can say we tried it. :)"> .
Am I just focused too much on our differences?
I'm reallly confused about what is important to me.
I'm also tired of trying to work out our problems... it just seems like it's going in circles. Same fights all the time.
Re:I hate my fiance teacherwriterguy: I guess I'd take a long look at how much of the problems are being caused by the setting/living conditions.
Is there any possible way to see what a different living condition would feel like? Is there potential for the two of you to get an apartment on your own?
If there is a benefit to living together first though, it is that you can see how that changes the relationship dynamics.
Is it living together period? Or is it living together in the particular environment/place in which you are living? Does that make sense?
teacherwriterguy
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