My Story 30 Something: Hello All,
I am new to this board, and freshly going through an anullment/divorce.
Why anullment you may ask? I found out one month ago, that my husband has been secretly dating another woman since prior to us getting married. We have only been married for a little over a year. He got this other woman pregnant. I was frauded, which is why my attorney believes that I can get an anullment vs. a divorce.
Never in my life have I experienced a wave like this. Up, down, all around. I have days where I feel strong; competent. Then I have days where I just fall to the ground and meltdown. This was the man I wanted to have a family with. And now I find out that he is a sexual addict, and has been for a very long time.
Does it ever get any better? Do you ever start to feel desirable again? Worthy? And the grandest question of them all-after what happened to me-do you EVER trust again? Because I trust no one-particularly men.
Re:My Story jencderby: 30 Something,
Wow - I too am brand new to this list (see my posting "On the verge of divorce #2 - How??"). My husband too is a sex addict - well he hasn't officially admitted it, but he's told me in the past that he thinks he is and his counselor diagnosed him. The very short version of my story is that I just heard a very seductive voice message from a girl singing him happy birthday, calling him "baby", and saying that she couldn't wait to see him "tomorrow". His explanation - he's loney, goes to strip clubs all the time, and this is a stripper who he is a regular of! Yeah right!!!!
I don't know if I have any wonderful advice for you, but I can completely sympathize. Don't you feel totally duped?! I even sort of knew something was up - I've been thinking he's been cheating for years, but convinced myself (with his help) I was crazy.
I do know that you can come out of this and be extremely happy! The trust thing is an issue, but I've come to trust that little voice or that gut feeling I have and will pay attention to it in the future. I have faith that when that right person really does come around, you'll know how to trust him!
Hang in there! There is life after tragedy, even though it may not feel like it in the middle of it.
Charlotte
Re:My Story feelindown: Sad to hear that both of you have been hurt so bad!
Welcome to OJAR, it sure helped me out when my wife left me for work or another man. Still not sure.
You know, I'm a sex addict, but would never stray from my sweet wife. I have been wondering around this empty house and life not knowing anything more than she left and will not talk to me. I have the same feelings you mentioned, trust, desireable, etc. Mine haven't gotten any better yet, it has been 4 months since she ran off. I'm lost? Feels like a knife is in my heart, so sad. I hope it gets better, I think it will.
Best wishes! I hope that it can be an anullment for you.
Re:My Story whoamI: I can not relate to your situation, but I can relate to the drastic ups and downs. Wedneday I went out and had a great time, even spent a little time checking out the men. Friday had a good day, went out with some girlfriends checked out some more men. Saturday could have went out, but felt a little down, so I stayed home and watched tv. BLAM, today, not good! Why? Who knows? I guess if I can make it through these ugly days, I will make it to some good ones. That is the best advice I can give you on a day like today :-\
Re:My Story 30 Something: I just HATE the bad days. It feels like someone is stabbling me in a million pieces in the gut, heart, and head.
I like what someone said in another post about the "Divorce Diet". I am officially a member of that. 14-15 lbs. gone now, since this journey began. The thing is, is that I am eating-it just goes right through me. Stress takes your metabolism to a whole new level.
The worst of it, is when I sit and question, "was I not enough for him?" "Why did he marry me?"
I have to tell myself over and over in these moments:
"No! You are good enough. He married you because he loved you, but the sickness was too profound".
I just never thought I would be going on 33, no children, and going to divorce court after only a little over a year of marriage. This was not the way life was supposed to go.
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