Timespan to heal peter23: Hey Everyone,
I know its going to be different for everyone but I would to hear from anyone who has had a similar experience to me how long it took them to stop constantly thinking about their ex and get back to "your old sefl"
She was my first love. We met at a party when I was 17. We have shared everything togeather, I have never been so close to anyone in my entire life. She would answer my question before I had even said anything. She was beautiful, smart and had spark. She was my entire world, whenever we were apart we would message each other constantly.
A few months ago she started messaging another guy constantly. I wont go into details but she insisted nothing was going on but there were many lies told. She became increasingly emotional and erratic. She was cold to me sometimes but all over me others. I took this as a sign to put in more effort: flowers holiddays, letters, clothes etc. One day she said she wanted to get away from everything so I gave her my credit card and said book yourself into the nicest resort you can find up the coast. When she came back she ended it.
I was devesated so I fled interstate for a week. The day I left her new man (the one she had been messaging/seeing) for months MOVED INTO MY UNIT! He drank my beer, slept in my bed with my now ex and used my toiletries. I found all MY condoms used in the trash. When I returned home the room smelt of sex and his clothes were all over my bedroom floor. Breaking up is one thing but having sex with a new guy in my bed rubbed in my face is another.
Later on she mesaged me to say my worst enemy is coming over to her new place (she had moved out by this stage) and sleep in her bed and could she come over to my place to get another pillow. Yes thats right the guy she broke up with me for was history now. That was the worst pain I have ever felt in my life. 1000 rusty knives. I told her I never want any form of contact with her again.
I have now become irratable and moody. Sometimes it seems like everything will be ok. Other times I cant stop thinking about my loss and I feel like I am back to square one. I feel as though I will never know a love as special as her, she was my world. I am 22 years old, my breakup was only 1.5 months ago. I would appreciate any advise anyone has to offer, how can I get over this and start to shake the lonliness, stop thining about my ex and enjoy life? :(
Many thanks.
Re:Timespan to heal slowlearner: hey Pez, my heart really goes out to you. This woman is not human, you have to know you're better off without her, but it'll take time for that to sink in. I'm so sorry. You have taken taken your first wobbly step, telling her you don't want any more contact - can you be strong and stick to that?
Re:Timespan to heal Dino: Welcome Pez
Its been just over 2 months for myself since my breakup. I can tell you I am not back to my old self yet. But the old me is starting to make appearances more and more often.
Your ex sounds like a horrible person. To intentionally inflict additional pain on your by telling you of her dispicable actions mortifies me. I would think that generally, the greater the pain, the greater the time taken to heal. It sounds like a terrible wound she has given you.
The best thing I have found for myself is to stay occupied and be sociable. Remain with friends/family and continue to do things. Many of the smallest things are still painful for me due to related memories, however, they become easier the more I do them. Just going out drinking with mates was hard at first, but now I can enjoy myself and be happy for the night.
I'm glad you have broken off contact with her. It is definately the right thing to do.
take care
Re:Timespan to heal peter23: Slowlearner I know that no contact with her is the best thing for me. Absolutley without a doubt. I just miss having someone special around to come home to that cares about me. I miss the physical contact, the hugs the love.
My ex doesnt have to feel lonley ever because there was seriosly an army of guys wanting her while we were togeather. From what she told me before I severed contact she has been living it up with them if you know what I mean.
Bitterdino my ex is not really a horrible person. She does have a lot of good qualities but she just changed so much in the last few months its like she is a different person now.
Its good advice what your saying. I have been getting back into my social life. Luckily we had few mutual friends, none of my mates every liked her. Its a nice feeling to have a full calander ahead! Its just hard not to want her there with me.
As for drinking thats been a disaster! After a couple all the feelings that were just under the surface come gushing out like a broken dam. I even poured my heart out to a cabbie on the way home a few weekends ago and I am talking tears, sobbing everything.
Thanks to you both for your kind words and support :) I love being able to talk to people that really understand. Bitterdino I hope you get back to your old self soon mate, sounds like your doing great mate!!
Re:Timespan to heal Wheeler: Hey there
Listen! Firstly, kill all contact with her. Secondly, realize that someone to do this to you is terrible. She really showed her true colours and you seem wise enough to figure out that your not a door mat. This will be the most difficult of times for you in the next many months. Trust me though, all you need to do is remember the ugly side she is capable of.
I too was in total love with the woman of my dreams. We were soul mates, but I saw a similar ugly side aswell and trust me, even if you both worked things out, she can revert to this ugly side. She is capable of it. You were in love with her and thats why its harder for you but remember, you have to love yourself first. She will regret and have herself to blame. Your better off dude I swear.
Work on yourself, get active and in time you will be out there again. Leave the ugly monster for someone else to look after.
Been there done that!
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