New here and very sad charly7: Hi, everyone. I'm a 32 year old woman and am married to a man that I love dearly. We have a 3 year old daughter. I'm a law student, originally from down south, but living up north now. My story is long and complicated, but I'll try to make it short!
I'm not separated, and not sure I'm getting that way or getting a divorce. My husband is very cold, distant and emotionally abusive. He can be very sweet and supportive at times, but he can also be extremely cruel and rejecting. I don't have the best self-esteem in the world, never have - but especially since I had my daughter. I feel that I am unattractive and overweight. I have stretch marks that I can't get rid of and can't seem to get my body back like it was before I gave birth. I used to be very fit and had a really nice body. I wore a size 4 but now I'm an 8. I know that's not big, but I still feel big and like no one would ever want me again. Maybe that is part of why I stay with my husband. I have the "dream" of having a soul mate, someone to grow old with and depend on when times are tough. I guess an approximation of that is OK for me right now, because I've never been good at the whole dating thing and can't bear the thought of trying to find someone else!
I have panic attacks, and my husband is not at all supportive of that. He yells at me when he is aware that I'm having one. I wish that he would comfort me and try to be there for me. Also, I haven't done as well in school as I'd like to (I go to a top 10 law school that is VERY hard on top of being a wife, mother and doing most all the housework and putting up with him!) and my husband is constantly griping at me over that. He guilt trips me by telling me we are spending all this money for me to go to school and I'm just wasting it! He is the one who practically demanded I go to this school (his dream was to be a lawyer but he didn't do well enough on the entrance exams). I got 3 full scholarships from great schools down south but he said I'd be crazy not to attend this prestigious school. I guess I let him push me around and take his advice very seriously.
Anyway, I don't have any family or friends here, and feel very alone. The people at my school are most all younger than me, and very rich, snobbish and stuck up. It's hard to fit in here because I come from a lower middle class background. I don't want a divorce, but am afraid my husband will leave me because he's fed up or that I just won't be able to put up with his abusiveness anymore. I'm also afraid that he will start abusing me physically.
Thanks for listening, guys. I really need someone to talk to!
Re:New here and very sad jjbswest: k, first off, you have to take care of yourself. size 8, come on, you are not big! as for stretch marks, go tan. it helps. it struck me that maybe he is jealous of you because you are doing what he wanted and couldn't do. so maybe that is his problem but it is definitely not an excuse for the way he treats you. i would advise anyone to get out of a situation that makes you feel as bad about yourself as you do. the one thing i learned, is no matter how much you love them, you can't make them love you back the same. who says you have to go find someone else. what we need to do first of all, after separation or divorce is find ourselves. the people that we were before this happened. I found that i gave my all to my marriage and family that I didn't care to take time for myself which is exactly what i want to do right now. some days i am very lonely, some days i am excited about what may come. just do what you need to do for yourself but don't let someone make you feel unworthy. he doesn't sound like he cares about you much. you have panic attacks and he yells at you. that makes me mad. i don't have panic attacks regularly , just when i get REALLY upset, so i know how that feels. please do something to make you feel good. as for your marriage, only you can make that choice but i hate seeing that someone can make you so down on yourself cuz that's not real love.
Re:New here and very sad Assurbanipal: Hi Charly7,
Sorry but I think the word here is 'transfer'. It seems you are transferring all the bad things that happens in your life to some one else, this is a sign of low self esteem, been there, stil there. The 'Red Flag' here is, how can you have this, when you're a mother, a student, a wife! The post seems, not how others make you feel but how you feel about others. Ojar is a great place for venting and seek support filled with wonderful available people that allways lens a hand.
Re:New here and very sad clb: If you have done well enough to get into Law School you should be proud of yourself! I can relate to the feelings you are having in regards to how your husband is making you feel. Verbal and mental abusive I am learning is almost as bad as physical. I to am not close to my family and friends, can you call your family and friends? They are only a phone call away. I am familiar with panic attacks, my husband does the same thing to me. He yells and tells me I am weak, which only makes the panic attacks worse. You will find that this website will be of some help and support to you. Good luck and stay strong!
