ready for marriage?...and when should I know he wants that too?..m/f input wnted kellekae: I'm not entirely sure where I am going with this post. Let me try and give you all some back ground. Met my guy I'm with last year, almost this time. We've got a great think going, few communication issues, but otherwise it's good. I've been living with him for almost 2 mos now. It's been a good move, with a few minor adjustments. He's never lived with anyone before (aside from guy roommates), he's never been married, or engaged. I've of course been married, I have also never "just lived with someone". I've no doubts about him, and most of my adjustments have been dealing with everyone else in the house, and a few things he and I've talked about in regards to communicating about mainly minor stuff. We both agree we need to communicate differently, and we work at it. We both want this. I sense a great deal of committment from him, and yet, no committment. I can't quite describe it, but it seems like when it comes to it being an undefined committment he's ok with it. For example, we make decisions together, we talk about doing things to the house, cars, etc. together. He was an intricate part of the last major purchase I made. When I moved in we discussed living like this for a short time, then finding a place of our own. We made decisions on what furniture to use, an some of my stuff is in the room and some isnt. He talks of the room being ours, instead of his, and he says he likes me being there. I don't think either of us thought we would just live with someone without being engaged/married, etc. One night about a month before we moved in together he talked about wanting to have children with me, and asked me if I'd want a big wedding, so on...we talked for a good two hours in details about what we would want, etc. I mean in detail, lol. I am not convinced I'm ready to get married tomorrow. I know I will want to get married again, I know I want to works towards that with him, and I've no doubts there. I don't want to get married right away, but maybe in a year, or around that time frame. He's talked about combining our finances, I've held off. I don't think I want to do that until there is a formal committment. Like we've decided we're going to get married, or we're engaged. Something to that affect. Let me repeat here, I'm not in a hurry. But, I do feel like we need to take some step in our relationship that works towards a future. I told him a few nights about when we were talking that I love him, and that I want to be with him today, and tomorrow and in 50 yrs..he said he wants that too. I had told myself a few weeks ago, that I was going to drop any marriage thoughts, discussions, etc. I felt like I was pushing, and I told him so, and he said he felt like I was a little too...but honestly, to be blunt...shouldn't he know by now if he wants to marry me? I'm just not sure what to think. I know it makes me feel weird not knowing where I'm going. I don't have to have any detailed of my life planned out, but I am very goal driven, and focused...to just sit idly isnt like me. I want to know where we are going, even if it means we aren't engaged specifically. There is this piece of my that wants to tell him flat out tonight that I think we should talk about getting married, and then whatever recourse comes of that comes of it...and the kicker...I'm really not in a hurry. I don't want to be married today, or tomorrow, but maybe in a year...make any sense? lol
Re:ready for marriage?...and when should I know he wants that too?..m/f input wn teacherwriterguy: Do you have any sense of why he's NOT in a hurry to discuss these things? That's the first step to figuring out how you want to approach it.
What's holding him back? Any guesses?
teacherwriterguy
Re:ready for marriage?...and when should I know he wants that too?..m/f input wn kellekae: he mentioned my kids once. I had asked him once (right after I moved in) if he would consider relocating back to where they are ...we talked about him finding a job, etc...but overall it was "no" ...I am certain he is right about not being able to find a job there...(specific industry not in that area)...and he is very shy...anyhow..I really didnt want to go back there..but I needed to ask him that question...
