Re: New at this JimB: A couple of quick thoughts:
Do NOT feel like you are a slave to his timetable. Do what you have to do to feel as comfortable as you can with what is happening. If you allow him to rush you through this, it's possible you will have regrets later.
IMO, you definitely should have a lawyer look over his settlement. It doesn't sound like you're even ready to think about division of property - you're still dealing with the emotional trauma. You do have rights, and one of them is to wait and deal with logistics when you are ready. Have you asked him to give you more time?
I'm sorry you're going through this, and I'm sorry to hear he's abusing the financial power he has over you. But he doesn't control your emotions. You do have choices here - you just need some time to absorb it all.
Good luck.
Re: New at this achingallover: Thank you so much, Jim, for reminding me of my power in this. He is so tricky at making me feel as though I have to play by his game. Due to my specific financial situation and my state of mind right now, I am really challenged at seeing what I have a right to do. This is horrible. I just got home from therapy, though, and I have placed a call to the mediator to alert her that he is on the rampage and ask her to help me slow this down with him. If he can't handle it and takes me to court, I guess that's what it has to be. I am absoutley goign to have a lawyer look over whatever agreement we come to before I make anything legal. It's hard, because when he's out of the house, I feel like I am more able to see what's right. THen he comes back to the house and manipulates me and takes advantage of my state of mind. I am supposed to go to a wedding in Jersey Thursday, but I think I'm not goign to go. I don't think I can handle 4 days of non stop forced stregth, which I will have to have as I am in the car, on the plane, and in the venue with my stbx for 4 days. Plus, I am staying with someone so I won't even have a private place to go cry if I need to get away. Then there is the problem with the girl living in my driveway. I have decided I am goign to tell her she has to get her shit and get out by Aug 1st. If she does not comply, I am going to call the police. She WAS my friend and is staying in my driveway out of the good of my heart, as she fell upon hard times. But the truth is, she is ALWAYS on hard times - I have come to know this in the time she has spent here. I am going to send her an e-mail today, as I don't think I can handle the mental abuse she will give me when she finds out.
Man, how did I get myself into this mess?!?!
Re: New at this achingallover: o.k. guys, I need some advice here or some ideas...
Here's the deal with the chic living in my driveway...
I was all prepaired to tell her that she has to move out by Aug 1st and I was goign to call the police on her if she didn't. Well, I called the police just to get the scoop on what would happen if this came to fruition and they said due to the fact that she is paying some rent $ and that she has lived there for more than 6 months, she is considered a tenant and I cannot make her move out because of my circumstances. I have currently got a call into my mediator, who is also a lawyer, to ask her what I can do about this. Maybe nothing - or it may work out that I have to give her so much notice ov eviction (if I can even evict her for being a crappy friend!) that by the time I am moving out of my house for good, the time for her to go will not even have come around yet, so she can move right in with my stbx. WHAT THE HELL!!! This gets worse and worse...
Anywho, anyone have any idea of what can be done here? Should I smoke her out? What?!
Re: New at this justmenow: Well, strictly coming from a third party, unbiased direction here are my questions:
1. What is your motivation for getting her out of your driveway? Are you directing your hostility towards your husband in her direction? Consider this, even if you make her move and she actually does, this won't stop her from spending time with your husband if she really wants to. Besides, her rent money means more $$ for you - insist on HALF.
2. Wouldn't it be nice to stick it to him? Nine times out of ten what goes around comes around. So let her go ahead and move in and live their highly dysfunctional life without you - as long as you're not there, who cares? Maybe being in close quarters with her will drive him absolutely nuts, and that's what all good ex-wives want, right? Then she will be HIS problem, not yours.
3. Why do you care? Do what you have to do to get your life on track. This includes creating a new future without him. He is in the past and you have to accept that. If he is not going to work on the marriage, then it's over. Acceptance is the hardest, yet most necessary thing you must achieve through this process. Your well being is first and foremost - don't even take his feelings into consideration because when was the last time he considered yours? IMHO, the Golden Rule doesn't apply to divorce (it's a small footnote in the Bible I think!! ;D)
Hope that helps. I'm going through a mild vengeful stage right now - can you tell?? ;D
Re: New at this achingallover: yah...I hear you. It really isn't my problem after I"m outta here. But for the time I am here, it sure is a pain in the ass to have someone who you thought was a friend that is stabbing you in the back coming in and using your dishwasher and shower and stuff. It just adds more stress to this whole thing! Boy have I learned alot from this whole thing! Unbelievable~I guess I"m still in shock that someone would actually stay around where they are very much NOT WANTED!!! It's crazy! She could pay $100 more and share someone else's house! What a thing to do to someone!
You're right. If she does stay here, they will drive each other mad. They should be quite comfy together! I wonder if I can get half of the rent. He needs to get a tenant so he can afford to keep the house himself... hum....I"ll have to ask my mediator.
thanx!
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