Re: New at this dominowin: hang in there, achingallover...keep breathing, that's all you can do for now! But what makes s2bX think he can throw *you* out? I'm not saying it might not be better for you to get out of there...is there anywhere you can go? But I don't see where he gets the right to decide you have to leave...
Re: New at this itwillgetbetter: Sounds to me like you are very normal. Although emotions you are going thru are normal. Your whole world has been turned upside in a matter of days. It would be abnormal to not be emotional.
Do what you need to take care of yourself. Focus on your schoolwork and surround yourself with supportive family and friends. He might seem unemotional because he has already made his decision and been thru the ups and downs whereas you are just starting. I have heard that when couples go to therapy often one has already made up their mind and are just going thru the motions to seem like they have tried everything.
I agree with justmenow to not try to get him back because it will only make him run away harder.
Take care and let us know how you are doing.
Re: New at this down2basics: Achy...
I want to echo what everyone else has said so far...
We all know how hard this is...we all understand the pain and torment you are feeling. Believe me! We've all been there or are still there..so you are in good company.
However, this too shall pass and time does heal. You must though start thinking of yourself. Don't cling to him, they're right. He'll run that much harder to get away from you. The more emotional distance you put between you right now, the better. He'll begin to question his own feelings.
Hang in there - it will get better!
d2b
Re: New at this achingallover: Thanks so much everyone. This sucks beyond suck. I can't wailt until the day I don't wake up with a knot in my stomach. In regards to why he's divorcing me and kicking me out of the house...well...I have been in total shock since the beginning of this happened and I"ve been running around the past 2 weeks looking for apts., buying a fridge, buying a bed...then I was going to sign a lease on an apt this past Tuesday and realized I have no written documentation that he will be mandated to give me any alimony - I"m only going on his word. So I didn't sign it. When my stbX got home from his business trip, he was pissed and threatened to get a lawyer and not help me get through school at all. It's been a disaster. In the beginning, I was leaving the house because he told me to and all my friends told me to and I know I can't begin to afford it right now. Now, I think I'm leaving in order to get a somewhat nice deal of alimony so I won't have to work durning school, as I"ll be in classes and doing an internship so I will have a crazy full load. All of my friends tell me I need to get a lawyer because they think I can get everything for the way he's been treating me. But right now, I"m tired, I"m depressed beyond depressed and I have a midterm today! So, I am not in any fighting mood. I just want this over ASAP - so I"m leaving the house. And to make things nuttier...I have had a friend of mine living in the driveway in a trailer since last Thanksgiving. When I leave, she is going to move into my house with my stbx and pay him $400 rent. CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT!!! I'm not feeling the friendship or love here. But I guess what he does with his house is his business. They should be a nice pair together as they are both victims - should be a hoot. Oh, and I know you all might be thinking he could be having an affair with my cute friend - not happening. He is in a total identity crises and I think he's gay. AND another current crises is that I have to go to a weding in Jersey this week for our very close friends and I am goign with him. LORD HELP ME!!!!....or lord help him.
It just gets better and better, huh?
Thanks, guys, I"m gonna try to breath.
Aching
Re: New at this JASPER: First I would like to say I am sorry this has happned to you.And second welcome to our world!I dont understand what kind of friend she is.Why is she moving in with your stbx why can't you two get a place toghther or she move somewhere else this makes no sense to me.Are you sure this person is your friend and your not just in denial to whats going on.I dont know but something sure sounds fishy to me.What makes you think he is gay all of sudden?Your story has me so mad at your so called friend that I cant concentrate on the rest.First things first make sure you have the proper support systems to help you get through this and she may not be one of them.
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