Hey...newbie with all the ?s 'n no answers joeykttn: Hi..
Guess I'll start by saying that I've been married for 2.5 years now to a man I used to love dearly...and I asked him to move out 2 weeks ago. To make a long story short, he's been battling an internet porn addiction for 3+ yrs, or all his life, if you ask me. Funny how the real story never really came out till after we were married, but anyways.... Awhile back, I had given him an ultimatum. Get help, and don't ever let me catch you doin' it again, or I'll leave u so fast your head will spin.
( To understand this reaction, you have to know that in my mid teens, I "found" a crack head, fell in love, had two kids, listened to his lies of "change" for 6 years till I finally had the nerve to walk away from that...)
So, that brings me to now... I have 2 kids, a house that for various financial reasons I CAN NOT sell, a husband who vacilates between loving me to death one minute and hating my guts the next because I don't wanna be with him anymore... oh, and did I fail to mention that this weekend I found out I am 6 weeks pregnant????? *sigh*
Is it wrong to stay married to someone you don't trust, don't love, etc because you are afraid of bankrupcy? I say yes... the epitomy of selfishness. Now that he knows I'm preg. he has no intention of leaving me alone.. which is all I want. Him coming over to snowblow my driveway last night, or offering to massage my back the night before is merely an attempt to gain my love back, and I know that. I feel so damn pressured. I don't wanna go thru yet another pregnancy alone, like the 1st two..and I always said I wouldn't have another fatherless child, but I sure as he!! ain't gonna stay with a man for fear of being alone right? So then he mentioned abortion, in the second half of a sentance that started with, "i'm sooo happy to finally have my own child, and with you..but if you won't have me...". And twenty minutes later, "if you think I'm just gonna walk away now that I know you are having my child... I'll take your A@@ to court, and take that baby away from you, 'cuz they will see you can't support yourself and 3 kids..." and ten minutes later..." I love you, I wanna be here for you...dishes, laundry, all the stuff I could do for you..." Because we all know that a 6 week preg woman shouldn't have to make dinner and fold laundry, right? *laughing*
*long deep sigh* If only life would fold it's will under the desires of an emotionally weakened person, and give in to what we think we want...
I'll write more later...gotta go back to work now.
Re:Hey...newbie with all the ?s 'n no answers tyrogers: WOW. Girl, I am SOOOO sorry you are in this situation. All I can say is ((((((((BIG BIG HUG)))))))))))). If you need anything, we are all here. Everyone here has helped me through so many issues/traumas/bouts of depression/pre-meditated murder, etc....... ;) Just know that when you need to vent, cry or scream....we will all listen.
Welcome to OJar.
Tyleena ("Ty")
Way Down South in 'Bama
Re:Hey...newbie with all the ?s 'n no answers teacherwriterguy: That's got to be tough, dealing with all of the practical issues you need to deal with at the same time as your husband is cycling so rapidly through extreme moods.
The cycling is understandable - a lot of us go through it here - but it doesn't make it any easier to deal with when you have hard choices you need to make.
Might be asking for too much information, but is the sole reason for divorce the porn addiction? Is it that bad? Maybe we don't know enough about the situation...
teacherwriterguy
Re:Hey...newbie with all the ?s 'n no answers joeykttn: There were other things.. him photographing teen girls walking down the street last summer...him downloading a picture of a stripper he met in an online poker room... the fact that we don't agree on anything, raising kids, money issues, etc... omg, I'd have to type for an eternity to tell all the reasons. But I guess the biggest one for me is I know I can never trust him, and what kind of life is it to live every day waiting for the next time? And what if next time is worse? I know there are alot of women who don't care, or at least pretend not to care that the man they love wants or needs to look at other women naked... I on the other feel that if I'm goin' to devote my life to you, mind body n soul, then I deserve nothing less in return. I just want to be able to trust a man, love a man , and have him love me back, completely... seems that's too much to ask for nowadays.
Anyways, no the porn isnt the only issue... just the only issue strong enuf to make me hate him.
*sigh*
Re:Hey...newbie with all the ?s 'n no answers Jennicole: wow. i wont address the porn issue, because i feel totally different about it, and i dont want you to feel like i am trivializing how you feel. but the taking pictures of teen thing. that is sick. the trust issue you have with him, is that linked to the porn? (sorry a little confused) i know that it sucks to be with someone that you dont agree with on anything. life sort of feels like a battle day in and day out. i think you have already made up your mind that you want to leave him, but, have you guys gone to couples therapy or anything? and i will assume that from your first post (the ultimatem) he has not gotten help for himself? if it was just the porn, i wouldnt feel like it was that big of a deal, personally. but it sounds to me like he is a lot sicker than either you are letting on, or that you know. the teen pictures are really cathcing me here. i know that there are teens built like women these days, but i know a NORMAL man may shoot a glance, but would definalty NOT take pictures. i dont want to offend by asking this, but your 2 previous children. are they girls? and if so, do you worry that when they hit there teens that he may try to do anything? please dont take offense to that. please. i think this man needs help.
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