~Sometimes It Just Really Hurts~ Sad Eyes: Do you ever find that people closest to you have a hard time letting you make your own decisions?
I say that because lately I have been really getting it from people who are nearest and dearest to me. Some are my closest family members and some are good friends.
Deciding to divorce it the hardest decision I will probably ever make. I need to know that whatever decision I make here is the right one...not only for me but for my family. People are critizing me for not divorcing immediately....that hurts...for so many reasons. I know that they care and want the best for me but why can't they understand that I need to exhaust all possibilities before I can make that FINAL decision? I know that I have not been treated right....BUT what if there is a small possibility that things can work?
I say that because my stbx started counseling about a month ago and he has been making some huge changes...do I think they will last...probably not...but did I think he would change this much...NO! I just started going to counseling with him last week and it has really helped. I was honest with him and the counselor right away and told them that the chances of us staying together are really slim...if at all.
I am there to try to heal some of our hurts and be heard. We need to do that whether we do decide to make it or if we decide to go our separate ways. We have two girls together and if anything we need to do that for them too. He will always be in my life so I need to learn how to deal with and let go of some of the resentments, pain and anger that I feel towards him. I feel that counseling is the best decision I have made so far. Even though it has only been a few times...it has really helped me and him. I know that what I think should be all that matters...BUT I do care what others think too. Especially the ones I love so much! I just hate being judged! It's not fair...they don't know and I feel it's easier for them to judge me and not take the time to listen to reasons of why I am doing the things I am doing.
That is what hurts the most. I know in my heart that I am doing what is right for me right now...I just wish they would take the time to listen to what I have to say...and maybe understand where I am coming from. I always listen to them and hear them out....I just wish I got the same in return. Everybody deserves that...don't they? :-\
Just having a hard day....just wish people could understand and trust in me the way that I trust in myself. I am feeling bad because I see the stress in my family over my situation...I went to lunch today with my little sister (who is my best friend and more) and it killed me that she couldn't listen to me...we couldn't even talk with out things getting out of hand.
She ended up leaving in tears and I am sad that that happened. I just wanted to her to look at me , listen to me and truly see where I was coming from. Well....she couldnt and sadly she left me sitting there alone....basically told me I am being a fool and she is frustrated with me.
Sometimes it just really hurts.... :'( Thank god for ojar
Has anybody else gone through this? If so...any advice?....
Re:~Sometimes It Just Really Hurts~ AloneandCold: I dont really have a close family so I don't have this problem. Even though it is not much help I just wanted to send you a cyber hug. HUG! I am sorry your day is going so bad, I hope things look up. Sometimes you cannot make people see your point of view. It may be one of those agree to disagree, just let them know that they don't have to agree, you just need their support. Hugs again hun, hope things go better.
Re:~Sometimes It Just Really Hurts~ joeykttn: *cyber hug*
HI
I know all too well how much it sux that the people you love the most can't just listen and let live. My mother is the same way. She means well, but given the choices she's made in life, she just can't relate to how I feel, and the choices I feel I have to make, and she tries to impress on me what SHE would do if she were me. She must forget sometimes that I'm a big girl now, and I really do think things through...
I think you just have to listen to your heart. It's the only thing that won't lie to you or mislead you. And if you don't follow your heart, you will regret it forever.
I commend you for trying counseling if that's what you think will lessen the pain or heal you both... it's a step I don't have the guts to take yet. Just keep in mind that the only one who truly has to live with your decisions is you... stay true to your heart and the rest will fall in its due place, sometime, somehow.
keep your chin up :)
Re:~Sometimes It Just Really Hurts~ Sad Eyes: Becominganewme/Bug~ (still love bug... ;))
I loved how you said that we don't need to agree BUT I just need their support. I wish I could get that...I don't think I will get that right now...but maybe in the future. I will just have to go it alone and keep posting here. It has gotten me through so far! :) Thanks Bug...you are such a sweetie!
Joeykttn~
Welcome to ojar...this is the first time I have seen you here. Thanks for all the good advice. It helped. We are in the same boat as far as out mother's go....I guess sometimes it's hard for them to stop being mothers. I am listening to my heart....and it's been leading me in the right direction. I am getting some help for several different reasons...and even if we do go our separate ways...I will be stronger and better for going through with counseling. I guess I wish it would be nice to hear..."God, where do you get your fight?" or "It's been 14 years...I understand why you might want to check out counseling and make sure you are making the right decisions..." or "Wow...you do really care about your family and instead of taking the easy way out and just throwing up your hands and saying "I'm Done!!!" you are sticking with it and exhausted all chances of things working out for the both of you and your family." I guess I won't hear that but sometimes it would be nice because honestly...that is what I think. I don't know...I guess I need to give it time and just try to understand where they are coming from and hopefully in the future they will understand where I am coming from. That's all I want.
Thanks you guys....it really helped! Thanks for the support! It's so appreciated! :D
Re:~Sometimes It Just Really Hurts~ CPmommy: Well, BIG HUGS from me to you!! You know that I'm going through the same things right now. Keep your chin up, sweetie. We'll make it through this! AND we'll have a he!! of a good time in Chicago doing it!
Love,
CP
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