Re:~Sometimes It Just Really Hurts~ bamababe: SE...first of all...a BIG hug!!
Unless they've been through a divorce I think it's really hard for people to understand. They don't want you to hurt, and so in their minds they try to resolve the situation to a conclusion (stay or go). The problem is this is a process to reach a decision and then it's healing from whatever decision has been made.
Probably a bad analogy, but it's like looking at siamese twins and trying to decide whether they would be better off together or apart. You can't see what's connected on the inside, and you can't predict the emotional outcome of a separation. Some people are already disconnected so it's easier to see them apart, and some people are together, but living very separate lives.
I think some people, because it can be a long process, become exhausted. They assume that they can be there for you as emotional support, but they don't know that the "decision" to divorce or stay together is a process and it's not as short of a healing process as some would like to think.
This is about you...they don't have to live with the emotional aftermath. So whatever route you take...take it with a clear conscience, your intergrity, and with the hopefulness that one day it will be better no matter how the road bends :)
BB
Re:~Sometimes It Just Really Hurts~ Sad Eyes: MTMO~ What do I say after that post???
Thank you! Thank you! and THANK YOU again!!!
I hope that means I am strong and not weak...that is what I am questioning. I don't want to be the fool but I know if I left right now without giving my best I would be a different kind of fool. Time will tell and all I can do is what feels right. Right now...this feels right.
Thanks for saying what you did! After putting it how you did...I feel so much better. Thanks MTMO!
Did somebody say Chicago Again??? ;)
Thanks everybody for responding! I needed this in a bad way!
Re:~Sometimes It Just Really Hurts~ drmmr67: I have been very fortunate to have several good friends who are willing to listen. But my dad has been a bit too analytical, too - forcing conversation about divorce, when my wife's just moved out right now. Then again, I have to remind myself that he means well - and he doesn't know the whole situation. And that's what you have to remind yourself - no one knows the situation like the ones going through it. Only you can make these decisions because, hey - it IS your life. It's bad enough that we have to go through these things, but when you have to worry about the main relationship as well as your peripheral relationships - it just makes things that much harder.
Hang in there!
Gee, this Chicago thing sounds fun. Wish I could go :(
Re:~Sometimes It Just Really Hurts~ Sad Eyes: BB~
Wow! Thanks! I am just amazed at these responses!!! You guys are so smart...I can't believe the help I am getting here.
BB~ You are so right! Everything you said here you hit nail on the head.
This is about you...they don't have to live with the emotional aftermath. So whatever route you take...take it with a clear conscience, your intergrity, and with the hopefulness that one day it will be better no matter how the road bends
What you said here really sums it all up perfectly!
The funny thing though is some of these people that are being hard are me are divorced! That is what get's to me. I would think that I would get some understanding there but I guess I can't and I have to let it go. I don't get it. I just can't sign the papers and be done with it yet...will it happen in the future...maybe. But right now I need to see where the road leads me. Either way, it will be better no matter how the road bends. ;)
Thanks again for posting what you did! Such a wise person...you blew me away.
Re:~Sometimes It Just Really Hurts~ jason: Hey SE;
Just a hug from a friendly northern guy who knows a little bit what you must be going through.
My thoughts echo what others have said here. Do what is right for you, not what is easy for everyone else to accept.
Maybe your hubby can change. Maybe not. My only advice would be to heal yourselves first, before even thinking of re-involvement. I think after a time you may help one another heal, but I wonder if you have to find the right road by yourself.
That sucks about your family. I expect they mean well. Mine did. But that does not make it hurt less when you cannot get the support you need. I know this first hand. Over a year later, I still do not have the relationship I would like to have (nor anything near the one I had)with my mother or brother.
Do what you feel is right, and go where you have to for support. With luck, family relationships will heal over time.
All the best;
Jason
Click More for the next page.
