Horrible question... lemondrop: Do you see new relationships as being more disposable now?
I feel like I would have done anything to save my marriage because it felt like I had so much invested in it... all those years... all those pictures... all those memories... I had so much to lose so I was willing to put up with a lot of crap that I don't think I would tolerate any more...
So it gets me thinking that if I get into a new relationship... I might not be able to be so forgiving and so cool about things because I don't have much to lose and it might be easier to just walk away instead of dealing with problems...
And now that I've been through a divorce, nothing really seems important or worth saving... so I guess I'm curious about those of you who have been dating again... are you finding that little things make you throw in the towel now that you would have just shrugged off back when you were married? Or are you more tolerant of bad behaviors because you just desperately want to be loved again? Are new relationships more disposable now that you've survived a divorce? Any thoughts on this concept?
Re:Horrible question... :broken:: actually, I think it makes me try even harder, going through all the crap that divorce made me go through I believe I have to be more cautious as to who I invest my time in, and of course, I learned my lesson, marriage is not to be taken lightly. I won't give up on marriage, I have a lot to give.
Re:Horrible question... Beren: Seems to me that there's a balance between trusting someone and being independent. What I've learned from my divorce is that there's no such thing as unconditional love. The balance for me has shifted; I do not think I'm likely to trust as deeply as I once did, but consequently, I'm going to be more independent as well.
This, I think, may be good for the relationship in many ways. Trust breeds complacency sometimes, I think. Having a wee bit of unease about my partner's constancy (merely because she's a human being, I mean) might cause me to examine the relationship more frequently and be more proactive in finding ways to keep it strong.
The other consequence, however, is the one you mentioned. Being more independent, I suppose a relationship would become more disposable. I've already been through a divorce, and I certainly could survive another one.
With a little luck, the first effect will be stronger than the second.
Grizzly Beren
Re:Horrible question... Druid13: I think this is a good question. Iwonder the same thing. I thought similar thoughts after my relationship fell apart like "hey I put so much into this and wanted to save it so bad...what now? " I have not been involved enough with anyone yet to know "how" I will feel about that for real. But the whole thing I think does make youmore tenative...but then sometimes I think of it as an opportunity....like hey it just was not right..there will be a "right" one for me. I definitiely have spent a great deal of time thinking abou tit all though..and what I would want...or who would want me?
Re:Horrible question... CPmommy: Excellent topic. I just mentioned this to someone the other day, actually. I find that I'm more inclined to work HARDER at the relationship. Of course, I'm the leaver, due to substance abuse issues, and I did work HARD, but, in the end, essentially I gave up. Next time, God willing, I vow to do what it takes and exhaust every avenue before bailing.
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