how much space do i give irishman33: my wife and i split almost two months ago and the pain has still not stopped. we both moved out of the family home and are in separate living quarters. the delimma i have is that we spend our off weekends without kids with each other, then afterwards she goes totally cold towards me. she tells me that she doesn't want to divorce and that she needs her space. after our weekends i feel like we are closer, unfortunately she does not. we got into a fight on tuesday this week because i had called her after she called me and was told that she needed space. i have been so tempted to call her and talk to her, but i know better. she tells me that she doesn't love me and will not discuss our realtionship. my question is that if i give her the space needed will she eventually call me? i don't want to be her whipping boy, but also know that she is still my world. this is very hard and i have attempted to make changes in my life....i have started seeing a christain counselor and attend church quite a bit...what should i do? i know that this is all over the place and i apologize.
Re:how much space do i give jen: irish,
Welcome to Ojar... sorry you needed to find us.
You are bound to be all over the place right now. Know that it is normal. Especially since the situation you describe leaves you in limbo. On the one hand, you say that she tells you that she doesn't love you and on the other she says that doesn't want a divorce. She sounds very confused.
I wish I could tell you that if you give her the space that she is asking for that she will call. I know that you want her to come back, but you can't make that happen. In the meanwhile, as you sort things out, you can only take care of yourself and your kids.
Focus on you and what you need and want so that you can get through right now. You say that you are starting to make changes in your life and this is a good thing. But, do those things for yourself. Allow yourself to grieve and take care of yourself. Continue to get support from everyplace that you can - your counselor, church, family and friends and here on Ojar.
While I can't say when the pain will stop, I can promise that things will get better...in time.
Hang in there and keep posting,
mtmo
Re:how much space do i give irishman33: thanks for the reply mtmo.....i am doing these things for myself because i always believe that actions speak louder than words. this weekend i have my children and she has hers as well, so i won't feel so bad. the following weekend though is a different story as i am the one to usually make plans with her. she said the last weekend that we were out that she likes spending time with me. i have to keep reminding myself that it's only been two months and that we have maintained contact.....although limited. i plan on not contacting her and hope that she will be the one to make some kind of move for next weekend. i should add that she is a much different person when her daughters aren't around. she is very self involved and has time for nothing when they are with her. there is always hope.......should i wait for a call from her or contact her next week sometime?
Re:how much space do i give Dino: hi there irishman
i have seen so many posts from people left by partners saying they needed time. it is painful to be left in limbo.
maybe you could contact her just to say you would like to see her and would like her to suggest something to do. that way she knows you want to see her but for anything to happen, she will have to organise it.
its sad that she says she doesnt love you. its sounds as though she wants to work on the marriage so there is hope. and you are right, it has only been 2 months which isnt long all things considered.
hope things work out
Dino
Re:how much space do i give irishman33: hey there dino,
thanks for the information. i really hope that there is still something, but it's hard to tell. i was quite for the last three days (no emails or calls) and today i received an email regarding our joint bank account. she made a comment about finishing our taxes and depositing the money in there.....what was that about. she then asked me how things were? i ignored her because i didn't want her to think i was that desperate to talk to her. two hours later i received an email with "are you ignoring me now" in the subject line. it took me over two hours to respond and all i said was that i was busy and then asked her what was up. unfortunately, she never responded so when i got home i called her and of course left a message....have not heard back all night. what is the next step? should i wait it out or call her tomorrow? i was very upbeat on the phone and casual....no pressure
Click More for the next page.
