Re:how much space do i give Chey: I think that's honestly the best thing to do for now....just concentrate on other things for a few days...lay low and keep posting so we know how you are :)
Re:how much space do i give irishman33: that i will chey....thanks again. i will definetly be around. Lord knows that i'm going to have my high and low days.
Re:how much space do i give Sad Eyes: Irishman~
I am sorry that you are going through this. Sounds alittle confusing huh? So from what I understand is that the two of you have kids and you still find time to have some weekends alone together? Is that right? And those weekends together are nice and then she has a tendency to turn cold towards you? It sounds like she is really confused right now. Maybe give her the space she needs..in other words, let her come to you. I know that you want to let her know that you still care and you don't want to lose her. Just try to let her come to you and let her know that you are here for her. Have you guys tried any marriage counseling? If not, maybe that would be a good start. Just give her space BUT don't let her treat you badly in the mean time. You don't deserve that...especially if you are trying the way you are. She should respect you for that.
Stay Strong!
SE
Re:how much space do i give irishman33: hey sad eyes.....thanks for the response. we were both married previously and have 5 children between us. her girls are in her custody and mine visit every other weekend and then some. we always manage to have one weekend to ourselves in the past. the way it works out now is that hers go to their fathers on the same weekend my exspouse has mine. i know that i need to give her space and let her come to me, but it's so difficult. i have recently made strides to back off and not phone or email......in fact after our recent tiff i waited 3 days before i heard anything. although when i saw her at the kids dance practice this morning she told me that she called me twice and emailed me on thursday.....never got them??!! i really need to develop patience in all this, unfortuntely instant gratification is my MO. i need to find things to do, don't you think? we tried marriage counseling awhile back but we're both dissatisifed with the counselor. we never managed to find the time to look another up.....life got in the way
Re:how much space do i give Sad Eyes: Irishman~
Do you feel you can trust your wife if she said that she called and emailed you? I say that because you should have recieved at least one of those ...Right? Just kind of makes me wonder...unless you are a busy person who could have easily missed the phone calls or accidently deleted the email.
As far as counseling goes I would give it another shot. I did it several times in the past with my stbx and I was very unhappy with the counselors too. We just recently started going again. I think it is too late at this point but I do still have a little hope and if it doesn't work out and we do divorce then at least marriage counseling will help me to bring some closure to the situation and help me to move on with a clear conscience in knowing that I have truly tried everything. Your marriage depends on it and maybe you can find the right one this time. I have only gone several times and I think we got a good one....Time will tell but so far it is helping and it is nice to talk and be heard for once.
Do you know why she needs her space so bad? Has she talked to you about it? Just remember this...you can't make somebody stay if they want to leave. You deserve to have somebody stay because there is no place else they would rather be.... :)
Wishing you all the best! Oh By the way!!! Welcome to Ojar! You have found a great place! Keep posting and getting advice and the nice thing about it is it's free! Some of the best (in not THE best) therepy I have ever had. ;)
SE
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