Re:how much space do i give Chey: Hi Irishman...welcome to the board...
Unfortunately your story sounds like a lot of game playing taking place here...and once you get to a certain age games no longer hold any appeal. You're not a mind reader, nor can you be expected to be one, so unfortunately until she just spits out what the problem is, your best bet is to just try (as hard as that is) to get on with your life.
There comes a certain point during a marriage breakdown where your partner no longer has the right to ask "how are you". That information is no longer something they have the right to ask or expect an answer to.
Do the best that you can for yourself and your children. Take the necessary steps to see where you can make some changes to yourself, and start doing things for your own benefit. Life will have to go on, and in what form it does, will be up to you.
Best of luck, and I know you'll find the strength to get through this.
Chey
Re:how much space do i give irishman33: thanks for the response chey, i really appreciate your honesty. i have spoken to many trusted people and each one i have spoken to says that this is nothing but a game to her. she loves the feeling of being in control. i saw her today at the kids dance class and she was pleasant but clearly distant. i had to make the first move, i then asked her if we were still okay and she told me we were. why do i hold onto the little things? after that we have spoken numerous times today. we are trying to figure out our taxes.....she is going to have it deposited into the joint account. at one point i told her that we had to take care of each other and she strangley agreed. i get too many mixed signals from her......i asked her about next weekend and she told me that she'll see what she has planned. she justs wants to rest!! i'll wait until later in the week to say anything again.....or should i wait for her? i don't want to divorce her and hope that things will work out eventually.........i'm a dreamer, i guess
Re:how much space do i give Chey: Well, for now perhaps give yourself some breathing room. It sounds like she is definetly playing a power struggle and while you are too easily accessible, the balance that is so necessary to any relationship is clearly in her favour.
Give it some time, sit back, relax and just for a little bit let her do the approaching.
Re:how much space do i give soTiredOfHurting: [quote author=irishman33 link=board=1;threadid=8560;start=0#msg68357 date=1110069757">
why do i hold onto the little things? .........i'm a dreamer, i guess
[/quote">
In the same way that most of us have held onto the little things. They represent the hope that we so desperately want to be there. I know I did with my STBXW. I was told and observed things that I chose to interpret to mean that there was a small chance of hope left. It was when that died that I was able to complete the majority of my grieving. I still have my moments, I am sure that we all do. You can't help it when you give someone your all. I know this is tough, just hang in there.
Re:how much space do i give irishman33: everyone has been extremely helpful to me......i am so glad that i found this! i will give myself the well deserved break that i need and concentrate on the kids and myself. i'll leave the contacting up to her.........thanks again!! :)
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