Time AlexInVirginia: I was just wondering ... How long (months are fine) since your separation was it until your first date? Just curious. (Those of you who cheated while married, please don't count those dates as dates.)
Maybe if I get a few responses, I'll be able to kind of guess what the average is and see if I'm ahead or behind the curve. :D
Thanks!
Re:Time tara: Depends how you define "separation."
Divorce talks began May of 2001. Ended in August of 2001.
Divorce talks (Round II) began in March of 2002. They never really ended; they just got shoved to the background.
Divorce talks (Round III) began on Sept. 28, 2004 and ended Oct. 8, 2004, when we finally decided to divorce.
We filed Oct. 15.
We moved out of the house Nov. 3.
My first date was Nov. 14 or so, although it started out as a "let's hang out/brainstorm for a political project" get-together and it kind of progressed from there.
Divorce was final March 2, 2005.
Still seeing the guy.
So....it was either 11 days, one month or three and a half years, depending on how you measure it.
Re:Time jen: Well, let's see...
stbxh told me about his affair and left on 7/19/04.
We were supposed to be on a trial separation until the end of October where neither of us dated OR had contact w/ each other...however, since he continued contact w/ OW...decided to divorce on 9/3/04 and he filed on 10/12/04.
I briefly became somewhat involved with a friend just before Thanksgiving, but we were never really "dating".
I went on what I considered my first official date...let's see on January 14th...and haven't really been on one since.
But, depending upon which dates you use...either 3 months, 5 months or 6 months...
And, for what it's worth, I think that we all have our own very personal timelines when it comes to getting back into dating. I wasn't at all ready back around Thanksgiving...in January it was just nice to be asked out on a date and to have a good time. And, even if mostly I feel ready right now to date if someone interesting came along, I am not actively trying to date because I'm just kind of happy with where my life is at right now and I'm enjoying being on my own.
Re:Time fivepointedstar: I'm curious if the responses here are relative to the length of the marriage. This is the thing I'm having the hardest time with. I haven't even thought about being with anyone other than my STBX in over 10 years. My biggest barrier to dating is that when I imagine myself in a romantic relationship I imagine it with my STBX. I imagine at some point that will change, but I don't know when. Sometimes I think that I really NEED to go date someone, just to replace that image a little bit. But it is really hard to get past it, and I think the healthy thing is to just move past it gradually.
Sometimes to help a bit, when I'm out and about, I look at guys that I encounter and wonder what it would be like to be with them (I know guys do this kind of thing all the time, but I don't usually). I'm amazed at what a difficult time I'm having with it. Even when I see a guy who I consider really attractive, totally my type, I have a hard time imagining being with them.
A bit off topic, sorry, but I'm really curious to see the answers here.
Re:Time allmixedup: Mine wasn't really a date, but I was with a woman 6 months after my separation. I am also pretty shy though. I know you can't tell from these boards, but I suck at talking to people. The ex and I have been working on things on and off for the past 3 months, but even if we weren't I probably wopuldn't have a date because I am a wuss.
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