Re:Our self concept kissingkim: I just started a new job that was very intensive in their training, and they managers have a field day writing people up daily and firing them weekly. So I have went into this fearful of messing up, with my heart in my throat each morning. But for the last few weeks, I have given myself pep talks each morning, repeating to myself that I could do this, I was good at it, to have faith in myself, ect. It would calm me. Well, after a day off, I went in today and was very on edge. Forgot my pep talk, and it was murphy's law all day, I messed up everything. I remembered on the way home that I had went into the whole day negatively, and could have kicked myself, I had not checked myself and retrained my thoughts, and therefore set myself up. The power of positive thinking.....
K
Re:Our self concept clambakesX: [quote author=potzy81 link=board=13;threadid=8564;start=0#msg68191 date=1109985104">
So what you are saying is that if I go around thinking that I am dead sexy, I will actually project myself to be that? I have always had a problem with self image stemming from being a chunky kid, and its only gotten worse with age. Even when I was thin, I still thought I was fat.
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Potzy, I'm not sure exactly what Mtmo was saying with this, but for me, that's worked. I've had body image issues since I was little ... my parents were really upset about me being a little pudgy. (I think they had other issues with me, and my appearance was the only aspect they were confident in dealing with, so they loaded ALL their discomfort and criticism onto my looks. That sure made for a fun childhood. Oh, except they still do that. Which makes for really fun visits.)
A book that helped me a lot was When Women Stop Hating Their Bodies. The gender slant might feel a little prejudiced to you, but I think the concepts apply to either gender.
I haven't 'arrived' yet ... in reality, I'm in good shape, but in my head, there are times when I'm sure I'm an absolute porker. (Ha, haven't heard that in a while, that's one of my parents terms. Nice.) All those disclaimers notwithstanding, this is an area in which I've made huge progress over the past decade or so ... and if I can improve my self-concept in this area, I can do it in others.
Re:Our self concept teacherwriterguy: I read this one a bit late, but here was my take on the following:
[quote"> Really, in the midst of this chaos and the brutality of the divorce experience, we also have the opportunity to become more self-aware through it. And, with self-awareness, we are empowered to choose whatever tomorrow we have the creativity to imagine.
[/quote">
Self-awareness is not exactly the same thing as mind over matter. It's not like you say, "I'm going to look like Tom Cruise" and then you do (or whoever!).
I liked the idea of the engine behind self-esteem being awareness rather than projection. Just meaning that you become able to self-reflect HONESTLY about yourself - avoiding the "I'm so much better than this" and the "I'm so much worse than this" but seeing yourself as you are.
I think there's a peace that comes from that, and that peace allows for progress.
But I might have just fallen out of the hot-air balloon basket...
twg
Re:Our self concept OldSchool: [quote"> Several of the comments on the post your pics thread got me thinking about how devastating divorce is on our self-concept.[/quote">
MTMO - Do you ever look over stuff you've posted on here, and cringe at times? Well everytime I say/write something negative or project myself as ugly or whatever I hate it... just hate it. That's not who I am down inside, at all. How can I project a positive attitude w/ my friends, family and people I work with and then project myself negatively? Well this little paragrapn took me like 1/2 hr to write... :-\
[quote"> Just meaning that you become able to self-reflect HONESTLY about yourself - avoiding the "I'm so much better than this" and the "I'm so much worse than this" but seeing yourself as you are.
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TWIG - That is very key and something I hope to really master. There are so many false truths that I can tell myself on any given day and it only deters me from where I'd ideally like to be. Maybe I'm thinking too much about this, but this is a great idea that would surely benefit us individually and as a group.
OS
Re:Our self concept jen: twg ~
By self-awareness, I don't mean it so much as a mind over matter thing, although I think that our minds are very powerful and we can talk ourselves into more positive self-esteem and beliefs about ourselves. Sometimes the power of positive thinking and positive affirmations does work
In my mind self awareness is an acknowledgement of who we are, where some of our self-concepts came from and addressing how our ideas of self compare to reality. Yes, I know perception is reality, but we can work on changing faulty perceptions, if indeed they are faulty. And, if they are not faulty, we can work on changing/improving our behavior.
So, of course honesty is essential to increased self-awareness.
I guess I was trying to say that if and when we can become truly comfortable with who we are we will be empowered by that awareness. That it can free us up to choose new things for ourselves because we won't be held back by negative self messages.
mtmo
and, hopefully, if we become more self-aware...we won't be trying to look like Tom Cruise or Salma Hayek or whoever :P
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