I need strength Chase: I won't repeat my whole story... it's all there somewhere way back.
I spoke to my wife this morning about marriage counselling.. we just can't communicate, and I want to try that - maybe it can break down some walls. She said to me, well.. we need to talk before we start marriage counselling. Shortly afterwards she said we also need to talk about "equalising" our finances. Well there's stuff going on financially speaking that might need some of that, but it set me thinking.
Tonight I get home, and - after the kids are in bed - I say "So, what do we need to talk about before marriage counselling?". She says, I don't feel great at the moment, and I need to be strong before we talk about this. OK, I said. When you're ready. A few minutes later I said, "I don't suppose you want to talk about the finances either?". "I thought I was pretty clear about that" she said.
I'm pretty sure that she is going to tell me that it's all over, that we need to seperate, that she's not interested in trying to fix things. It's all been leading up to this.
I am holding it together at the moment, I took a walk in the dark to calm down my shaking.. but now I have to wait. She has to talk to me about this when she's ready, I'm not going to pre-empt it.
As much as I have spent some time considering how this would all work, I just need strength to make it through this. I need to hold it together, take it like a man. Be straight, and confident, and at my best. I'm not sure how I'll do it, but I'm sure I can.
Chase
Re:I need strength justme15: I am new here so I don't know the whole story. That is ok though. It sounds to me that you already have the strength you just haven't seen it for yourself. Sounds like that you and your wife have been going a lot and you have kept your head so just keep doing what you are doing. :)
People can always find the strength when they need it. Will keep you in my prayers and don't give up.
pooh
Re:I need strength slowlearner: Hi Chase, really sorry to hear she is putting you through this.
I could be wrong, but it looks like she's avoiding telling you what she really wants - and I think you know it.
She is being really selfish making you wait, and wait, and wait, until she's ready to talk to you.
For your own sake, take some control and tell her you need to talk to her now, not later, not tomorrow, but now. She won't like it, and you won't like what she says, and this going be really hard for you mate.
Please ignore what I said if you don't think I'm right. I'm always wrong...
Stay strong, you are strong, and post on here anytime if it helps. There will be others along later with better advice than I can give you.
Re:I need strength Chase: Thanks guys,
I want her to finally do something.. she's just been pulling away from me for years, ending with this OM thing, and still, even after 2 months of me trying to deal with that, she hsan't once initiated a conversation with me about our relationship. I am the one who does it, and she listens, make the odd smartarse comment, or leaves if I start to talk about how things she has done have hurt me. The only time I get anything from her about how she feels is if we argue, and that's not anything helpful, because it's lal heated angry stuff.
She is getting a cold at the moment, and I am - for once - not going to try and push her into telling me. If she is going to say this whole thing is over, I want it to be something she has done, initiated and she can be responsible for. I don't want us to finish it, I want us to work on it. I want her in no doubt that she has made her own decision, I didn't push her into it. That's why I need to be strong, I'm trying to be pleasant, even upbeat, playing with the kids... all the time with this hurt inside that is eating me inside out.
Chase
Re:I need strength NoEscape: I am sorry to hear that Chase. Regardless of how things work out with your wife--things will work out for you personally. All I can offer to you is that it seemed to take forever for me to break down my wifes defenses---and then one day they were gone and we talked openly and things have been really great since. Everything turned around after our first counselling session...she didnt want to go...I had to drag her there reluctantly but it did help. Just going....and having someone else hear us helped. WE are very happy now and dont go anymore but maybe that first session would help. At the very least you will maybe get the truth from your wife. It doesnt sound to me like shes being honest with you. Whether it be another man in her life or whatever...I dotn think shes being truthful...about something. PM me if you want to chat..
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