Re:don't belong? confusedinca:
I felt the same way at first. Actually I found this site looking for some sort of legal separation forms.
I was the one who cheated and moved out. Reading the posts here made me feel like a piece of crap too. But it also made me take a good look at what I was doing and motivated me to break off with OM and get into counseling with my estranged husband. Don't know how that's all going to turn out yet but at least it's a step toward some kind of resolution.
So stick around. There's a lot to learn here. This is a wonderful group of helpful caring people.
Re:don't belong? joeykttn: I appreciate the responses...
I've never been one to "belong" anywhere.. it never feels like home. Maybe that's part of what I've done wrong in this marriage..
I haven't cheated on him, or anything, although he won't believe that. He's changed password on my cell phone account, broken our computer on purpose, etc. because he insists I can't just "want to leave him without there being someone else"...
As far as counseling goes, I dunno.. I went to counseling last year to try to get over my depression realted to his porn thing, among other problems I've carried around for years. All I ever got from him was that I had become worse, not better for it. They put me on medication, which I have since stopped taking.. I felt extremely better, both from the chats with the counselor and the meds, but I was sick of defending myself to him. The counseling was what was beginning to open my eyes to the fact that part of my unhappiness was him, and I think he knew that. I stopped going because of money issues, insurance wouldn't cover it, and that's when I stopped the meds too.
I dunno.... now he wants counseling because HE wants it... what about when I wanted it? I asked him 2 years ago to go to counseling for his "problem"...why should I go now? yeah, I know...childish, but I can't help it. Life is so unfair sometimes, usually.
I guess I'll consider it, but I think it would be more so that he can come to peace with the choice I'm making more then anything, and I know I'm going to feel pressured from him and probably the counselor the whole way through. That's all I want right now... no pressure. It's way too overwhelming, especially now that I'm preg. I just wanna hide in bed and not deal with anything... *sigh*
Thanks again for listening to the rambling...
