Re:don't belong? joeykttn: It's just that deep inside, I know that although our relationship being f*ed up isn't all my fault, I'm the one pushing it to the breaking point by asking him to leave. And I think deep down inside, he probably does love me, and I think the fact that I no longer love him kills him. I just wish it was easier to explain the way the switch was thrown, and to explain that I just don't want him to turn it back on...ever. Is it really so bad to be hurt one too many times, and just not want to deal with it anymore? I know people that fight for years to keep thier marraige, and maybe they are better then me.. I just wanna quit.
Re:don't belong? soTiredOfHurting: No it is never just one person's fault. You 2 got together for a reason, you made promises to spend the rest of your lives together in good times and bad. Being vulnerable leaves you open to being hurt. Maybe with counseling and therapy things could be better. Then again you make your choices and live with the consequences too.
Re:don't belong? Chase: spot on about 2 people involved. You know a weird thing that's happened to me since all this started. I've mentioned it to a few of my work colleagues.. people I thought I knew about, and each of them has said to me that they too are going through marriage issues at the moment. And to cap it all off, about 1 month after I discovered about the OM in my wifes life, my sisters husband left her! One of my work colleagues says that she and her husband have decided that although he doesn't love her anymore, she can bare to just live together, and is doing so for the sake of keeping the family together. Another's wife is demanding a second child and he doesn't want one, and the whole thing is starting to fall apart because of it.
joeykttn: He'll be (like I am) desperately looking for ways to get through to you, because his biggest worry will be whether there is something he could do, or change that may make things different. You may feel certain in yourself, but he can't know or understand that. Can I suggest marriage counselling? It may provide a forum where, in front of a third party, you can both explore these issues, and even if it's not likely to change anything, it may at least give him a better understanding of where you stand.
If you were my wife (and it's likely that your situation is the same as my wifes is) I'd want at least, to see that you had explored possibilities and at least considered the possibility that something could be changed. And then, finally, that you were as clear and direct and straightforward about your feelings as possible. I don't have any idea really how you could do this, but II reckon that it takes 2 people with similar understandings of each other to get married, and in a perfect world, that would apply to seperation and divorce as well!
Chase
Re:don't belong? AloneandCold: You are not the only, while we were both at fault in my marriage I was the one to pull the plug. Yes being hurt one too many times makes it very possible to not want to go down that road with the same person ever again. If my stbx all of a sudden changed it wouldn't matter at this point. Too many things have happen. Once the water is under the bridge you cannot jump back in it. Well at least for me anyway.
Re:don't belong? gumby55555: Well, although I think that of course you're welcome here, I will recommend a book if you feel like you've fallen out of love with him (a much referenced topic here entitled "I love you but I'm not in love with you", or ILYBINILWY); it's called "The Truth About Love" by Dr. Pat Love and you can get a freeview on amazon. And I'll also second Chase's suggestion of counselling... just make sure you get a counsellor that is trying to save the marriage. And if, after all of these avenues, you still want to leave, I'd be the first to offer my wholehearted support. :D As long as there's no abuse, of course, because, if there is, then you should leave immediately. I hope my post didn't come across as preachy or harsh... believe it or not, it was intended to welcome you. :)
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