Good the Bad and the Ugly Thinkin: anyone ever make a list of pro's and con's? I posted this in a thread but I wanted to see if others have done this and if it was more bad then good. I look at this list and ask myself why do I want to try and save this?
Pros
1. 10 year history
2. Loved her to death
3. Were best friends
4. Still in love with her.
5. Used to love just being with her even if we had nothing.
6. Came home to stop me from leaving, still say’s she wants me to stay.
7. Say’s she wants to make it work “but not really seeing anything extra”
8. Showing little signs of caring
9. Did say she was sorry.
10. Stuck with me thru all my past issues
11. Would like to make up for the pain I caused her over the years.
Cons
1. Trust is gone “for now”
2. Cheated and still around him.
3. Doesn’t feel like she’s sorry for what she did to me but more of what she did to herself.
4. No longer get any moral support
5. Avoids me, not willing to spend time with me. When she does it feels forced.
6. Hides things from me or she did.
7. Lies to me or she did.
8. Feels she shouldn’t have to answer to me
9. Putts in little effort to help fix the marriage.
10. Seems to have lost all respect for me.
11. Not the person I thought I married “I would have never thought she would have cheated”
12. Doesn’t want to change her name
13. Shows little to no attraction or attention to me (Feels Forced)
14. Unable to talk without fighting
15. Always brings up the bad in me and the relationship
16. Said she couldn’t even trust herself, more so when drinking, yet still going to go do it.
17. Puts her job before me.
18. Feels like she no longer believes in me
19. Still unable to help financially but trying
20. Doesn’t seem to care enough to call when out of town to let me know she’s OK
21. Her attention feels forced and that she really doesn’t want to do it.
22. Responsibilities other then work have slipped
23. Still will go out drinking without me even though it bugs me and even if the OM is there. (Another lack of respect)
24. I can no longer work, eat, and sleep.
25. I’m Sick of the How’s your wife? And how’s married life? Questions (just sick of lying and hiding my f**ked up marriage)
26. Seems unaffected by the death of our marriage (laughs, eating sleeping and going on as everything is fine)
27. I feel I’m falling out of love from the lack of respect and attention. Starting to feel like I should be looking for someone who will give me the same respect I give.
28. I’m bottling all this up inside and can’t really talk to anyone about it. I’m worried about it exploding down the road.
Once a cheater always a cheater?
Re:Good the Bad and the Ugly justme15: I have made the same list and depending on my mood that desides which list is bigger. Then and now would do anything for this man. The way you talk you would do the same for her. I am in the same boat as you are so not sure what is the right answer. But am here if need to talk we all are.
pooh
Re:Good the Bad and the Ugly soTiredOfHurting: I told you about my list in that thread that you referred to. I was trying to be kind to her when I did the bad side. Since I sat down to do it, it would have grown even more with what has happened since. I really looked at the good side and tried to find what I had with only her, like no one else would ever be able to give that to me. It was one thing, that little girl that I decided to be the father of.
Every other one, while nice with her, COULD be met by another. Yes she was the first that I felt some of them with, but she has done so much damage to me, by trying to justify her actions and blaming me that I have taken all that I am willing to take from her. My kindness and love and caring were not enough, the man that I am at my base was not enough.
Her issues are too big to let her see that. So I have made the choice that even if she does come back, I can't afford to let her back in. And with the way that I have felt about divorce it is tough for me to say that.
Now after a couple of years of therapy and treatment, maybe I'll listen. But in a couple of years I may be at a point that it doesn't matter, and that is assuming that she will get the help that she needs.
They say if it is meant to be it will. I just haven't ever seen an example of it happening. I thought that we were always meant to be, but the reality is different.
Re:Good the Bad and the Ugly Cizzler: I've never made such a list as I don't think it would be really fair. I would have so many extra cons listed from moments of anger and hurt that I wouldn't dream of adding when I was of rational mind. I don't think a list like this would bring any sort of clarity to my situation, it would only serve to confuse me more.
Re:Good the Bad and the Ugly LostTeacher: i have this list in my head.... at first, the pros were much longer, but the more i examine the relationship, the more i see that there were problems. now, i would probably have a subcategory that is "semi-con", because i never really saw them as a totally big deal, but he must have.
it makes me sad, because, say, 6 months ago, i would never had guessed anything was wrong. probably because i was trying so hard not to get into fights, and just forging ahead.
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