If I ever say forever...... Again. AloneandCold: An Ojar friend of mine asked me what I wanted out of my next SO so it got me thinking. This is expanded to more what I want out of him, out of myself, and of course the relationship. Most of this stuff is negotiable, some is not.
* I need no topic to be forbidden. I need to always talk about things that interest me, and things that interest him. I need to make sure to talk about things that bug me, and things that bug him.
* I want to do unique us things once a week. Something that will stand out as a memory and not blur into the rest of life.
*I need the cuddling/loving touches to sex/sexual touches ratio to be at least 3 to 1.
*I want our relationship to be more about homemade cards and thoughtfulness then about hallmark and expense.
*I need to be accepted for who I am on bad days, good days, smart days, blond days. I need to be loved because I am me. I need to accept who he is, no trying to change him, no wishing he was different. I need to love him for him, not who he could be.
*I want walks in the rain and cuddling under a blanket by a fire.
*I need honesty and respect to be a rule for every encounter with each other.
* I want to have an understanding that sometimes when I have a problem I want help fixing it, sometimes when I have a problem I just want to vent, and sometimes when I have a problem I just want to be held, have my hair stroked and told it all works out in the end.
*I need not only love for myself but love for my children as well.
*I want a mutual understanding that money doesn't matter, sex doesn't matter, and problems can be worked through. All that matters is that you have each other.
*I need the laughter to be more then the yelling. I need smiles to be far more common then crying. I need to always feel that I am essential.
Bug
P.S. there are more I will likely add, but this is it for now. Feel free to add your own list of what you want and need. Hugs to all, and may we find happiness in ourselves before we look for happiness from others.
Re:If I ever say forever...... Again. Jennicole: wow. you sure do have your head screwed on right!
i realize that probably came out at the most weird, and at the least very poor. it is however a compliment of the utmost respect.
Re:If I ever say forever...... Again. AloneandCold: LOL well I don't know about having my head screwed on right. ;D I am just trying to learn from past mistakes. Another thing is it took me a year to get in this frame of mind, it's all a process :).
Re:If I ever say forever...... Again. LostTeacher: what a great list!! and a great thread!
i totally agree with the talking thing. one thing that got lost in our relationship was the talking. i want to be able to talk about everything, from the good to the bad. from the everyday things to the really important serious stuff. i want to not have to worry about not being able to bring things up, because he doesn't want to tallk.
i think i would add:
1. making specific time for one another. i know that being a teacher can really weigh in on my time.
2. making sure to let the other peson know what is going on. simple things like calling, or leaving a note behind.
3. i would like to be able to receive as much as i put out. i spent a lot of thought and time and energy trying to make him feel special; i would like the same done for me.
4. i need support and words of encouragement. if i have had a bad day at school, i need someone who will honestly listen to me, and offer support, whether words of encouragement, or a hug, or just an honestly listening ear.
5. someone who understands my relationship with my family. my family is very close to me, and very important. i talk to my mom a lot, and spend a good amount of time with them all. this next person needs to understand and embrace that. they really are great people! my stbxh used to be really good with that, but then began to distance himself at the end.
ok, that's my additions to the list so far? any other suggestions. oh, BANM: your list was great!! i would cut and paste it to my own too!!
Re:If I ever say forever...... Again. gumby55555: What a great list and a great idea! I've been working on a similar list of traits in my ideal woman... the list, so far, is:
* honest
* trustworthy
* sickeningly sweet
* nauseatingly nice
* committed... in the non-institutional sense (a willingness to always fight for the relationship)
* affectionate
* a happy optimism
* and completely trustworthy
I guess this is akin to Buddha's 8-fold path (Bubba's 8-fold path, on the other hand, most likely has KFC listed multiple times :) )...
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