Re:If I ever say forever...... Again. JimB: [quote author=potzy81 link=board=6;threadid=8589;start=0#msg68189 date=1109984529">
All I want out of my next signifant other are the following:
1. Unconditional love
[/quote">
Danger!
Not to pick on you potzy, but there is no such thing as unconditional love between adults. Children and pets deserve unconditional love - adults do not. Part of being an adult is understanding that we haven't always earned the right to be loved. Attempts to give unconditional love will almost invariably lead to abuse of the privilege.
All IMO, of course, but I feel pretty strongly about this. Anyone who lists unconditional love as a basic need in a relationship is flat out going to be disappointed.
Re:If I ever say forever...... Again. kissingkim: Hey, I don't even need to write my own now, I am just going to copy and paste most of what you all wrote in my word program and print it out.... ;) I think our experiences make us better equiped this time, knowing what we don't want makes it easier to recognize and actually demand certain things from any future relationships. At the end of mine, I will put, "I will not settle for anything less."
And I agree with JimB. I thought in my last marriage that unconditional love was what I had for my husband, so could and did tolerate abhorant behavior, that went against my morals and beliefs. I thought I could forgive him anything, and ended up sacrificing years of my life as an angry and bitter person. I still believe in better or worse, but there is a line there that definitely has conditions.
K
edited due to a few glasses of wine.... ;D
Re:If I ever say forever...... Again. paul76: JimB...
You are probably right, but hell I am used to disappointment. Thats basically sums up my marriage.
But it is what I want, and I am not going to change that. I honest believe that if you love someone unconditionally, you DESERVE it in return. Whether you are a dog, child, adult, or other.
potzy
Re:If I ever say forever...... Again. wingman: hmm,
this is my first post here.. But, i'll take a stab at it.
Dear Potential Significant Other:
-I don't expect perfection, but I do expect honesty, and effort. We all have shortcomings, issues, and things we struggle with. That is to be expected... But, I need you to be honest with me about them, because i will do the same for you.. This levels the playing field, and shows where the potential problem areas are and allows us to work around them.
-If you can't be honest with me, things will not work out between us. Yes, sometimes the truth hurts but I would much rather suffer a skinned knee in the form of honesty, than being fatally poisoned with a lie. Please just tell the truth, no matter what the situation.
-Mutual respect.. This is very important to me. It is imperitive that you and I offer respect to one another in all areas of our lives.(time, privacy,feelings, likes and dislikes, etc) With respect comes courtesy, and that is a vital part of any relationship. I will respect your time, and wishes, please do the same for me.
-We all have different things that interest us, just because I am not necessarily into what you are does not mean that my interests are better than yours, or vice versa.
-Clear,open, mature communication skills are a must.. Please just say what you mean, and mean what you say. No verbal "ring aroung the mulberry bush" if you please. Also, please try to be a good listener I will do the same for you.
- You need to be an equal partner in the relationship. This covers all areas: affection, listening, compromises, giving, etc. If you cant do this , we will not work out.
- on conflict: We will have disagreements from time to time, to think otherwise is rather nieve. How these are handled is very, very important. Name calling, shutting down emotionally, hanging up the phone in mid conversation, storming off, the "silent treatment", and other types of retaliatory ( childish ) behavior is unacceptablle.. I will not do this to you, and will not allow you to do this to me. We need to work through any conflict as adults until the situation is fully resolved.
- Loyalty and fidelity are a must as well. This cannot be stressed enough. If you aren't capable of being in a committed, monogamous relationship please don't waste my time. Any form of infidelity is a deal breaker, and will result in the immediate ending of our relationship. There will be no second chances, and i won't listen to any excuses so be warned. This is non-negotiable.
- Please be honest, and realistic with yourself, and me in regards to what you expect from our relationship. This is quite important. I am an ordinary human being, and cannot carry the weight of someone elses world on my shoulders, nor can i fix all their problems. I've allowed someone to burden me like that before, and wound up miserable and exhausted. I can offer a shoulder to cry on, an ear to listen, and thoughtful advice.. But I cannot be someone's pillar of strength 24/7/365.
only qualified applicants need apply...
Re:If I ever say forever...... Again. Ladybug: Hey all
Good post.
Personally I'm not ready for another significant other and I'm not sure if I ever will be, so I haven't really thought about this much...need to started I guess.
The thing is...My ex was great. He was intelligent, had a great sense of humor, made me laugh all the time, he was self-confident, moral, creative, interesting, hard working, talented, he was good at just about anything he tried to do, caring, generous and loving
Course he was also a pervert, controlling, incapable of seeing his own faults, critical, self-centered, competitive, incapable of being alone, a lousy kisser, rigid, superior and selfish.
Yeah, I know...selfish and generous...how could he be both? He was very generous with things, but very selfish about his wants vs. mine. We saw the movie he wanted to see, ate what he want to eat, etc.
What do I want?
I want someone who understands that I can be mad as H*ll at him and still love him. I can really really not like him at the moment and still love them. Also, he can be mad as H*ll at me or not like me at that moment and still love me.
I want someone that understands that if you make me feel like a cow and treat me like crap all day, I'm not going to want to have sex with you.
I want someone who understands that we can like different things. I can like country music and he can like rock music. Don't make me go to your rock concert and don't come to my country music concert and roll your eyes at everything or even worse pretend your having a good time, when I know your not. (BTW, this doesn’t mean you never do anything I like and I never do anything you like.)
I want someone who can laugh at himself.
I want someone who makes me laugh.
I want someone who knows that there is often humor to be found right smack dab in the middle of a bad situation and can find it.
I want someone who is generous, but has self control. Someone who doesn't spend money they don't have.
I want someone who looks like Tim McGraw or Adrian Paul, but I'd take someone with a nice smile and a good heart. See I can compromise.
I want someone who will let me have my way some of the time.
I want someone who puts his magazine down and looks at me when I'm talking to him. Don't tell me you can do two things at once...that's not the point.
I want someone who won't treat me like a child. I have been using knives since I was...what about 10. I've got 31 years experience with knives and I have never accidentally cut myself or anyone else. Don't tell me to "watch it" every time I pick up a knife. If I do cut myself, I'm an adult...I can handle it. (Just an example I made up out or thin air...really...not a true story ;))
I want someone who won't take advantage of my passive nature. Course, I might be better off just learning how to be more aggressive.
I want someone who's good in bed...creative, skilled and willing to take the time to get me in the mood, if I'm not.
I want someone who doesn't think the sky is falling every time an acorn hits him on the head. Your life doesn't suck just because your printer's not working.
I want someone who will ask me what I'm talking about, if they don't understand what I mean.
I want someone who is up front and straight forward. Don't hint. First, I probably won't get it...I don't pick up on hints very well. Second, if I do happen to get, I'll probably ignore it. If you ain't got the balls to say it, I don't feel like I need to acknowledge it.
I want some one who can take what I say at face value. If you don't understand ask. Don't try to figure out what I really mean. I mean what I said. At some point I may change my mind, but right then, I mean that.
Well, I guess that's a good start. I'll keep thinking ;D
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