It’s over I guess Thinkin: I just talked with my wife and of course it had to be a fight, she pretty much had a fight with herself since I really didn’t get a word in that much. Really bashed herself about cheating but also the problems that we had before it happened.
She tells me she is just really confused and can’t give me an answer. We still live together but not in the same room. It’s hard cause I think she has feelings for the co-worker she got close to. I think she still likes him and is hurt by him now not giving her the time of day. With her obsessing over this guy there is no way I can fix this. It has to be the both of us and right now it’s not. It hurts more that she doesn’t’ know if she wants to be with me. She tells me to stay but I don’t see any hope at all. She told me tonight that she didn’t feel guilty cause she had a good time going out with the guy. It was just a one night thing so all this crap storm came from one night on the town. She even said she would do it again. Not meaning that she would go out with this guy but any guy I guess. Just seems to be no hope at all. Money problems are not helping as with my depression I’ve not really been able to get a lot of work done. I’m sick and sinking.
Re:It’s over I guess Chase: Hi Thinkin,
I'm so sorry to read your story... it's so similar to mine that it's uncanny!
My wife says she feels guilty but she's clearly really angry at me for finding out about it, and for having this apparently unstoppable urge to keep trying to find out if it's still going on! But like you, I'm left in limbo just waiting to see what she'll do next. She either knows what she wants to do and isn't saying, or she's really confused, and unwilling to make any proactive decisions in regard to us.
Keep strong Thinkin, it's the worst, most powerless feeling, I know! I can't tell you how to get out of the depression, I'm pretty sure I only started being able to concentrate on work stuff for more than 15 minutes at a time this week, and that's 2months after finding out. I do know that the depression can lessen if you take some positive steps for yourself, that don't require any response or interest from your wife. Take some nights off and see friends something where she won't be around to bring you down.
Everything I've read, and thought about, says that the most important thing for you in your position is to try and be positive, independent and appear calm and controlled during this time. See if you can be the best you you are, so that instead of your wife seeing you as a problem to be dealt with while she's going through this weirdness, she may start to see you as something else.
It's easy to read, much much harder to do! Take it from me! I've been positive for weeks on end, only to suddenly crash, do something stupid (if understandable) and make myself a problem to her again..
I'm thinking of you!
Chase
Re:It’s over I guess Dino: You say she bashed herself about the cheating but then said she doesn't feel guilty and would do it again because she had fun?
Give her the boot. It doesn't seem like she is remorseful at all. Seems like she only cares because, like you said, the other guy broke it off.
