Re: some of you out there in the same position? JimB: Maybe this thought won't help you, but your situation is simpler than it looks.
What do YOU want? I can tell exactly why you're going crazy - because you're leaving the decision up to him, and he's not making a decision. Of course that makes you nuts - trying to read someone's mind would make anybody nuts. So decide yourself. Either you can see a future with this man, or you can't. It sounds like you can, and you've been trying to act accordingly. If you can, and it's what you want, stay committed. Throw yourself into repairing it however you can. Keep asking yourself what you can do better. What's the worst that could happen? Oh yeah - you could get a divorce.
Of course, perhaps you've already done everything you can do. Perhaps you're at the end of your rope, and you're as completely through with him as you can be. If that's the case, all you have to do is face your own fears and initiate the process yourself.
To paint with a broad brush, guys in general are terrible at making major decisions. If you want to get on with your life, you'll probably have to make this decision yourself. But don't do it based on what you think he wants - this is about YOU. Don't feel pressured to "be good" - be yourself. Either he can handle it or he can't. Walking on eggshells ain't going to help either of you.
Re: some of you out there in the same position? grober: I agree with JimB. Even though times are hard for you right now, try to figure out if there is any hope for you and him. I pursured reconciliation with my X until I had lost all hope. After I had exhasted all avenues of reconcilliation, I could then turn my attention to the details of divorce knowing I had tried everything to save my marriage.
My X also didn't want to be married but didn't want to file. For some, it is about money. The one who files usually bears the cost of the legal work (unless it is contested). I think my X didn't want to "own" the divorce. She wanted to be the victim, even though she was the initiator of the events which led to the demise of our marriage and refused any attempt by me to work things out. She basically left and waited for me to do the "dirty work".
It was VERY frustrating. I can understand why you're feeling the way you do. I've been there myself. Since he hasn't told anyone close to him (family) about the situation, he does seem to have a problem with being the one who leaves. Try to make good decisions for you.
Take care.
