solo... wingman: Well "XXXX",
Here I am...
Alone again, out here with nothing and no one, in a little 1 bedrooom apartment.. I just couldn't seeing getting a house when I was alone...
I really don't even wonder where you are anymore. I honestly don't... I don't even care... Not now..
I did at first. It killed me last fall. I fell deep into dispair, i cried and I wailed.. I thought I was going to die, honestly. There were nights when I didn't sleep a wink unless I had downed enough alcohol to knock me out.
That was stupid.. And it has passed..
I cry now for different reasons.. The wrecked life, the loss of all those years, the money you threw away that i didn't know about. The loss of my former lifestyle, My home on the shore that I loved so much, my little beloved cat...
So, just to let it be known: I do not cry for you anymore.. You died a while back in my heart.. I cry for me, not for you.. I cry for:
The long rebuilding process I have to complete now.. It is a long and desolate road, but one I will reach the end of.. I will not let your shameful behaviour limit me...
That I didn't have the wisdom, and experience to see that you were a fraud.. But, its hindsight now...
I won't be so trite as to wish you well....
Because I wish you worse than death:
I wish you self-realization.... Trust me, you'll choke and gag on it.
But even if you never do, thats alright by me. I won't be hanging around to see how, or what you are doing.
I'll be off living my life..
Love and I will meet again one day, and I will embrace her with open arms, sugary kisses on my lips. and a heart more mature an open that yours will ever be..
this is my victory...
..
Re:solo... lemondrop: "Because I wish you worse than death:
I wish you self-realization.... Trust me, you'll choke and gag on it."
Wingman - this is so insightful - it took my breath away. Great post!
I am sorry you are going through this though.
LD
Re:solo... i_sing_alone: You should be a writer. Your words are very eloquent and ring so true. Ironic that it takes pain to bring such beauty sometimes, or such insight into our own hearts.
I wish you the best.
Re:solo... ga_sunshyne: Wingman,
I wish what I had to say to my XH could come as easily as your letter seems to have come to you. It seems that whenever I have an opportunity to actually have a conversation with him, we seem to end up either yelling at each other or him turning all of my words around on me. I just get so outdone and flustered. And if I try to sit and write a letter I usually end up getting so emotional that the ink tends to run from all of the tears :'(.
I'll get there someday just as you have. Great wording.
Sorry for all of your pain.
Best of luck. God Bless
Ga_sunshyne
Re:solo... slowlearner: [quote author=ga_sunshyne link=board=25;threadid=9011;start=0#msg71476 date=1111088543"> And if I try to sit and write a letter I usually end up getting so emotional that the ink tends to run from all of the tears :'(.
[/quote">
sunshyne, have you tried using a pencil? :P
I cried so much on my keyboard a few years ago (another story), I had to get a new one. Not recomended.
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