very down today.. advice please auminer: Feeling really down today....I havent posted in about a month. 9 yrs together , 2 kids, she left an came back 3 times in the past. She says those feelings just arent there anymore. We are best friends, no cheaitng no abuse. She says Ive treated her the best a man could treat a women, but the romance died.. Anyway, She left with the kids in Jan, She met someone through work and she started dating him. Ive asked him about him (which i shouldnt have) she didnt want me to find out (to spare me hurt) She says she has strong feelings for him. Ouch Like I needed to know that. Ive told her that Ive gone on a few dates.. Why I dont know.. I guess IM just lonely. She feels bad for our family broken up.. She says she cares about me lots.. I told her that her dating someone that soon really hurt. Makes the grieving process that much harder.. Any one else go through this. She asks now and then out of the blue so how was your coffee date..I ask her how do you feel that I went out on a date.. She says I just want to see you happy.. Do they not care, I know shes on a different page . but how can they not care.. Oh how to stop thinking about the other guy.. Any advice .. She is looking for happiness that she already had..Do some people not realize what they had .. I miss my friend (her) and family together so much.. we were truly best friends.. Its like this guy she sees has taken that all away..
Re:very down today.. advice please depressedindallas: Don't let it. My stbx is also my best friend, and we plan to keep it that way (maybe not the "best" part, but still). You have had a long life with this person, if she didn't have those feelings for you anymore she wouldn't have been helping you by lying about it. I do not claim to know very much as my seperation hasn't even started yet (still living together, but I can't wait). But the atmosphere of divorce and marriage is changing. There is no longer a requirement for bitterness. I have just convinced myself that my wife is leaving "for" me. She wants us to be happy again. It is also best for our daughter, as we will ALWAYS be connected by her. I will miss my wife, but I would miss my friend even more. You will just have to work on getting over your feelings of hurt. Trust me in that this is easier said than done. But you will be a better father for your kids if you can make that work. My daughters mother and I have concluded that being friends is the ONLY option for us. We both still care for each other very much, just people change over time.
With the rate of divorce climbing higher we all owe it to ourselves the people that we love (or used to love) and our children to get past the social stigma of bitter exs. The point is that you can be happy again, and you don't have to feel that you wasted the last 9yrs of your life. You just have to move on the next phase of the relationship.
I hope I am not the only one that thinks this....
Re:very down today.. advice please riversandlakes: First off, forgive me if I sound bitter, for the road of forgiveness I am going through still is in progress.
auminer, all these sound familiar. Stick around Ojar and the previous threads and you shall see...
[quote author=auminer link=board=1;threadid=9029;start=0#msg71356 date=1111070836">
She says Ive treated her the best a man could treat a women, but the romance died..
She met someone through work and she started dating him.
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auminer, don't you realize that is the most common piece of sentence? "it isn't you, it's me", whether or not he/she is experienced in breakups. The guilt (for they are only human), perhaps, made them say this, so that doing this piece of charity can make them feel better.
Did the romance "die" after meeting someone at work? Too much of a coincidence otherwise.
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Ive asked him about him (which i shouldnt have) she didnt want me to find out (to spare me hurt)
She says she has strong feelings for him. Ouch Like I needed to know that.
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Don't we all do that? To what end, who knows.
Mine answered all my questions on this other guy. I really still don't know why I asked. But a few days after that, I don't know anymore if any of her answers was the truth :'(
Spontaneous lies from a very bad liar get exposed very fast, like flies on a carcass.
[quote">
feels bad for our family broken up..
She says she cares about me lots.. I told her that her dating someone that soon really hurt. Makes the grieving process that much harder.. [/quote">
To what end do these heartbreakers say these? :'(
Hey, I don't love you anymore (okay, hurtful but I can take it) but I still care for you? And I'm sorry we didn't work out? No, you didn't work out, not us.
She couldn't care enough to salvage, hence can she still care as claimed?
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Any one else go through this.
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All of us?
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She asks now and then out of the blue so how was your coffee date..I ask her how do you feel that I went out on a date..
She says I just want to see you happy..
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The guilt (for they are only human), perhaps, made them say this, so that doing this piece of charity can make them feel better.
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Do they not care, I know shes on a different page .
but how can they not care..
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A million dollar question? As much as you cannot comprehend, check out the previous posts that asked this same question, it seems no one comprehends.
A wipe of the hand made them not care?
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Oh how to stop thinking about the other guy.. Any advice ..
Its like this guy she sees has taken that all away..
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Realize it is not the third-party's fault, as if he/she had a bit of responsibility not to open up to love whomsoever who paid a bit of attention to them, none of this would have happened.
On occasions through the years girls had come and gone with interests unreturned. Because I never asked the question, "Say, what will it be like to go out with her? Or what if she and I had a chance?"
Betrayal begins when that thought comes to the mind and the person started to consider it in the earnest.
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She is looking for happiness that she already had..
Do some people not realize what they had ..
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Buddy, what can I say? :-\ :'( Just remember the sooner the why and how questions are not asked, the sooner you can move on. And you seem intend on keeping in touch as "usual", hence...
Re:very down today.. advice please legionuvdoom: HI
Just try to find something that makes u happy with yourself, find something that keeps you busy. It could be productive, like a hobby, or you could smoke crack (not that i'm advising that). I won't tell you that you'll find the right person, because there's no guarantees. Just work on finding happiness that doesn't rely on another human, because most people nowadays are selfish insecure pieces of crap, who would rather hurt you than work on keeping a relationship going. They would rather seek self-gratification now, than look at the consequences of their selfish actions in the long run. Why should they worry about their children when they can have an exciting new relationship with the "perfect" partner.
Yes I understand that my post is very negative, so i don't expect you to take it too seriously, but you should do something to try to keep your mind off of this. I've been going through this myself, and as cliche as it sounds, it gets better over time, although i'm still pretty bitter, obviously, lol.
Take care of yourself and keep reading these posts, it helped me.
Re:very down today.. advice please Lonelyi in PA: You're definitely in the right place, many of us are going through the same things.
Try and find something that makes you happy.. like eat an ice cream cone or rent a movie you've always wanted to see. Try and do things in moderation.. sometimes I just find myself lying there staring at the ceiling but then I try to get motivated to go for a walk/run because I have a goal of losing weight.
