Re:One Year Lumpy: Dear snowyheart,
The thing is she deserved better from me also. I just wish I got some indication from her that she accepted a fair amount of the blame for this divorce. I guess It's really not important at this point, but it does grate on me.
Re:One Year snowyheart: Lumpy,
We all need heaps of closure. No human being is are was or ever will be the perfect spouse. I was a s.o.b. at times and said things that deserved a good slap in the face but, you know I had the strength of character to stay and my ex didn't.
So when it comes to our flaws, we all have them plentifully(if that's a word). But when it comes to true character and strength and integrity, that's what our dumper spouses lacked and what we have.
You'll be fine man, keep on truckin'
Re:One Year Beren: [quote"> (Lumpy) ...Continuing to blame me for everything that's wrong with her life despite the fact that I've been out of the house for more than ten months now.[/quote">
I'd be curious to know (1) if Kim is still unhappy, and (2) whether she still blames it on me. My guess is yes on both counts. But here's the way I see it, Lumpy. She has a lot invested in the idea that getting rid of me will make her happy. Throwing away a marriage is no small thing; she can't just one day change her mind and expect me to come back all smiling and happy. If she's going to throw it away, she'd better be d@mn sure she's right. And yet, this is exactly the bet she's made. For her to one day conclude that she made a horrible mistake would be devastating to her. As far as I'm concerned, she might as well just go on thinking that her choice was the better one, because she's now inexorably locked into it. My conditions for reconciliation at this point would sound an awful lot like William Wallace's conditions to the English:
William: I said I have an offer for you.
Lochlan (To William): You disrespect a banner of truce?
William: From his king? Absolutely. Here are Scotland's terms. Lower your flags, and march straight back to England, stopping at every home to beg forgiveness for 100 years of theft, rape, and murder. Do that and your men shall live. Do it not, and every one of you will die today.
Cheltham: You are outmatched. You have no heavy cavalry. In two centuries no army has won without--.
William: I'm not finished. Before we let you leave, your commander must cross that field, present himself before this army, put his head between his legs, and kiss his own arse.
[quote"> (zoinks) This is haunting and beautiful.[/quote">
Thanks! :)
[quote"> (snowyheart) It's not [that"> what my ex did was unforgivable, it's that I don't want to know a person who would do and did do the things she did upon and after her departure. That's what's so sad about the whole thing. It's the total and unabashed removal of all that is love from what once was a relationship based upon love. She did this not me. Divorce can really bring out those true colors that hide deep within us.[/quote">
I've come to the conclusion that there really is no "right" way to do the wrong thing. You see it all the time here, and all of us here do it, ranting about the latest thing that our exes and soon-to-be-exes have done, even though we know full well that there's no right answer for them any more. Even when they're acting nice, they're wrong because they're cruelly giving false hope. And often, when they change their minds, we say "too little, too late." I'm sad that Kim chose what she chose, but there came a point somewhere early on where I couldn't see her doing anything but what she was doing. She was locked into her course of action, and all I could do was try to keep my mouth shut as I watched the tragedy unfold.
It was at that point that I left. One year and now four days ago.
[quote"> (quote deleted)[/quote">
Hmmmmm....... :)
You're running the risk of having me show you a huge obnoxious public display of affection.... :-*:-*:-*:-*:-*:-*
HEY, WHAT ARE ALL YOU PEOPLE LOOKING AT?? Okay, fine, we'll get a room.
Grizzly Beren
Re:One Year Lumpy: Dear Grizzly-Beren,
Once again you've encapsulated my thoughts and feelings much more efficiently than I could have. Much like your Kim, my stbx decided that I was responsible for her unhappiness. Nothing she can ever do or say will make me agree with this point of view. That having been said I truly hope that she has made the right decision for herself. Her happiness is entwined with our childrens' therefore to wish her ill is to curse my munchkins. I fear that she is still looking for this "pixie-dust" cure to her unhappiness externally however and is fated to repeat her mistakes. I strongly agree with your comment about there not being any right answer. It's truly a lose-lose situation at this point. There is really nothing that can be done or said that would make one of us see the others' point of view.
Re:One Year snowyheart: Griz,
Nice going on the Braveheart quote, is is most certainly applicable to my own sitch.
Can I ask you, what do you think was you biggest leap forward in your divorce recovery, If you know? When did the leap forward occur, if you know?
It's been 7 months since my ex left and finally I know I'm getting better and stronger. Before, I would feel like I'm getting better and then have a long string of hellish days.
On my walk last night, when stopped and looked up at the stars, I could and did honestly tell myself, "snowy(not real name) the worst is behind you." Finally the worst is behind. Feels so good to know that.
hasta
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