Re:sexless marriage?? niceone251: Boy does this sound familiar. After 16 years, and 2 kids, I am ending my marriage, in large part because of the lack of sex. And I mean complete lack-none in years.
What I found was this-she didn't want to have sex (almost from the beginning of our marriage) for whatever reason (whether it was lack of desire for me, or hangups about sex, I still can't say. I think it's both.) Well her pushing me away like that drove a wedge between us in our other, non-bedroom relationship, so that we became two roommates merely sharing space and raising kids together. She wonders why I seem distant, and why I don't do all the "little things" for her other husbands do. It's because I don't feel any connection with her any more. We don't share intimacy, and the other parts of the relationship die.
To me, sex is so vital to a relationship. You can't build a marriage on it, but it needs to be a part of the marriage. It allows you to open up, to become vulnerable to the other person.
Like you, we get along, do things together, etc. The kids thought everything was fine, so they were crushed when I told them. But I was dying inside (now, we had other problems too-lots of codependency, manipulation, etc.).
I am not painting a rosy picture for you here-I wish I could, but I can't. I would look at the research out there on affairs. There are lots of essays, etc., about them. Depending on the "type" of affair you had, you might want to see what it is telling you. Basically, some people have affairs to end their marriage.
I feel for you, because I am in the same spot now. Good luck.
Re:sexless marriage?? whythisnow: We had an awesome sex life and we split.
There were times when we went on vacation that are still etched on my mind.
Try therapy , sex doctor get kinky...
At least be honest with him. Cheating will only lower your moral fiber and eventually yourself esteam so that you never will love another man.
Any chance that your husband is gay? No offense, but I have heard everything these days.
If you do break up there are more swinging studs out there then you want to know.
FIDO
Re:sexless marriage?? KeyWestCorona: To those who are wondering about low sex drive...I went to the doctor during my marriage and found that I had low testosterone levels. There are shots and gels that will serve to boost testosterone levels in men. The doctor will have lab work done to determine those levels and find out if there is something chemically wrong.
The big issue here though is getting him to go. I know I was very hesitant about going and I wasn't sure it was even real science, but after I went I was glad I did.
Re:sexless marriage?? buyrbware: One last thing? Physically you said he was fine and on no meds.
What is the possiability of Diabetisis? I am diabetic and can tell you that I have a wonderful sex drive but need to take certian pills to make things work correctly.
Re:sexless marriage?? NoEscape: I have a girlfriend who is an attractive woman and her husband falls asleep on her every night. No intimacy----they are in their 30's...
She cant understand it and confides in me. She believes it is definitely him and not her and has considered having an affair with a married man at work to fill that need in her life. Obviously I advised against that..
Every other aspect of their relationship is great--but she and I agree. Without sex--you are roommates pure and simple.
There have been times I have not had sex in my relationship but it was when we werent getting along overall...right now things are great and it makes ALL the difference in the relationship.
Its probably one of a few things...I am not insinuating any of them, I am just stating likely causes.
Iknow you said he has impotence problems--not uncommon--a very hard thing for a man to confront and deal with--I know its hard to find this out but if he masturbates regularly or if you know there are other things that turn him on--porn, sexy movies, whatever.
He is gay--if he is and hasnt come out you may never find this one out...maybe lots of therapy
He is no longer attracted to you---not necessarily looks--but sort of a whole package deal. If you have bad communication(not being able to talk openly--about EVERYTHING) that can really kill your sex life---if at one point you had a great sex life with him and its bad now maybe this is the reason why....definitely a solveable problem
He is having an affair himself.....you can read this board and tell the signs. Obviously this is probably the hardest one to tackle.
Good luck with it....hopefully you will get the truth and be able to move on from there.
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