Re:Story of Three lonelyangel: Need space? That is all I ever heard from HIM. So yes, guys do say that. I think sometimes it is just a catch phrase. What does that really mean anyway?
I would always try to get him to open up to me and talk, but that was useless. I have found that communication was something that he liked to talk about, but never knew how to do.
Re:Story of Three AlterDecko: [quote author=DazednConfused link=board=1;threadid=9091;start=0#msg71885 date=1111215756">
AlterDecko,
Your story sounds very similar to mine. Wife moved out 2 weeks ago. She had been telling me for some time that she needed space. The more she tried to distance herself, the more tightly I clung to her. She kept telling me all I was doing was driving her farther away, till eventually she decided to move out. The first few days she left were the most difficult. I continued to do the same thing, constantly calling, emailing, just smothering her. Last weekend I stepped back and really examined what I have become. I have always been a very laid back, easy going person my entire life. I realized I have become the exact opposite. This past week I have backed off, stopped calling, etc. A strange thing happened. After she didn't hear from me for a couple of days, she has been calling me. We went out together this evening and had the best night together we've had in a very long time. It made me realize that I need to have faith in my wife. She obviously saw something in me in the past that made her say I DO. I'm sure that you wife saw that same something in you too. Give her some time, and some space. I know sometimes it seems unbearable to not pick up the phone, but YOU HAVE TO STOP YOURSELF! Have faith in her. Take a long hard honest look at yourself. Take this time to concentrate on you. You'll be surprised how your wife responds when she sees you taking care of you, and not harping on the situation your relationship in in. Who wants constant conflict? You both know there is a problem, and it is something you need to work on both on your own and together. But when it becomes the only topic you talk about it will drive her away. I was in your shoes just a week ago. Just be patient, and be strong. Make yourself happy and it WILL make your wife happy.
[/quote">
Man I am going to try, I just hope that it works out the same way. I just miss her so much and want the quick fix. I know that the separation will help (cause we wont be fighting infront of joel), but i am afraid that it is too late to save the marriage. I just dont want to be hurt. I dont want to but all this effort in it for her just to say, oh well. GOD, i hate this! I just want to go into a comba for a month. :'(
Re:Story of Three AloneandCold: The question is though if you give her space and she decides she misses you can you stop your controlling behavior? Because that really is what it is, and if you cannot change yourself nothing else will matter because she will never be able to handle you being like that. Do you want a chance to make it work? Every time you pick up the phone ask yourself "do I want a chance to make it work?" Because if she is telling you to stop smothering her you are sabotaging yourself every time you pick up that phone. You need to leave her alone and instead do a lot of inner soul searching. What makes you controlling like that? Why do you not trust her? You need to find out why you do this and really leave her out of the equation. The thing is even if you and your wife cannot make it work no matter where you end up in life no one will put up will controlling like that.
Bug
Re:Story of Three AlterDecko: This i know. I just dont understand me. Maybe it is cause we are apart. We are separated. I am just scared. Scared of being hurt. For 6 yrs i have been albe to call her and she has always been there. Now she doesnt want me to be there. God how do i win her back if i cannot even talk or see her? How do i show her my love if i cannot show her anything? I just dont want to be friends, cause once that happens, then it may stay that way. GOD i am soo lost! Havent called her today though! ;D I just hope me doing this is going to help our marriage!
Re:Story of Three AloneandCold: You show her love by giving her what she needs; even if this means not calling her. You show her love by giving her trust. Not being obsessive and controlling. You can win her back by letting her make the calls (those being relationship calls as well as phone calls) for a while. I have to warn you it is a gamble. You can end up getting her back this way but you can always end up losing her. BUT if you continue how you are you will lose her. I guess the question becomes, do you want a chance, however small to get her back? Or do you want a guaranteed loss?
Bug
Click More for the next page.
