Re:Less than a month will be divorced.. Need advice.. rcmorrison: Hi CD...I'm in the same boat. I've been separated from my husband for 5 months and our divorce will be finalized on April 22nd.
He asked me to leave our home Oct 19th because he didn't love me anymore and felt that I was deeply troubled by events from my past, which was an excuse for him to get rid of me.
Let me give you some background...we've known each other since 2000 and became the best of friends sharing everything, but we were married to other people. In 2003, we both divorced our husband/wife.
For me, I was married to a soldier for 13yrs and he had children outside of our marriage while we were married. I was diagnosed with colon cancer in Sept 2002 and he left me after that diagnosis and never returned home.
For him, he was married for 5yrs then separated an additional 7yrs to a very controlling woman whom still controls his life today. They had a son together and he is ADD diagnosed and rebellious is a "kind" word for his behavior.
We dated for most of 2003 and got REALLY close. I felt his love for me and I knew that I wanted to be with this man, but he had troubles that he just didn't want to involve me. Eventually towards the end of 2003 we separated and I continued with my life.
Dec 2003, I met another man whom was the biggest mistake of my life because he became so abusive to the point of hospitalization. After that I tried to get rid of him, but this guy was extremely physical and I did the only thing I could do...leave my home and everything to save myself.
Feb 2004, I lost my home, my job and a small part of ME in that abusive relationship and my current husband labelled me as troubled because of that situation.
I wasn't troubled...I was down and I didn't know how to get back, but as time went on I found my way and I started rebuilding my life. I worked on the abuse left by the hands of a man whom didn't love me, I worked on the abandonment left by my 1st husband because of his uncaringness for me...those are issues that my current husband knew before we got together, BUT those were the issues that were constantly thrown in my face daily by him as well.
May 2004, I found a job in Dallas, TX and moved back to the Metroplex to rebuild and renew my life. I was enjoying me again and happy to be amongst my friends.
July 2004, my current husband calls me after months of separation and states that he's been thinking of me and wanted to know if I still had feelings for him, which I did and I still do even now.
He just got custody of his son in May 2004 after 7 yrs of being a part-time dad and it seems that he was overwhelmed by his son. He asked if I liked his son in which I did because we had spent time together the previous year and I felt we got along well.
He asked me to marry him on July 25th and on Aug 6th I became his 3rd wife. From the beginning of our marriage, it was met with problems from his son and his former wife. This boy (13yrs old) made my life miserable because he wanted his parents back together and she still loved my husband and wanted him back at any costs.
Not everyday was a problem, but there were problems that he could have handled with love and understanding but it was Oct 19th, he asks me to leave Kenosha, WI and I did. I felt so betrayed by him and I thought that I would have hate for him, but I don't because I still love him very much. I'm just sorry he wasn't man enough to handle this situation between his former wife and son.
I left for Texas and have not been back since. He filed for divorce in late November 2004 and now we're divorcing because of serious misunderstandings between his family and myself.
I gave up a great job, a new home, friends/family in Dallas, TX to be his wife/stepmom in Kenosha, WI and he was not sympathetic to my situation at all.
He started judging me on my past and that was a mistake because he knew me as a friend, but now I'm his wife and this made things different.
I pray daily that God will help me to overcome this rejection and heal my heart where I can trust men again, but time will only tell.
My advice to you is PRAY and leave it in God's hands...he is the one that knows what is best for his children.
Re:Less than a month will be divorced.. Need advice.. snowyheart: Ditto to rcmorrison,
Leave it in His hands
Re:Less than a month will be divorced.. Need advice.. kellekae: I am sorry your struggling with this. Maybe she just doesnt want to be married. If she wants it ..she wont stop it...has she ever once considered reconciliation in 5 months? I can appreciate your devotion...
Re:Less than a month will be divorced.. Need advice.. ukchap:
Hi Cd
Teacher W G hit the nail on the head re the leaver needing to know that you are not holding out "an open door" to their possible return if they change their minds about trashing the marriage ...
Sadly iin many cases the leaver is gone for good and we have to accept the fact and then dust ourselves down and get on with it .....
My world was turned upside down last September and I guess hope is hard to let go of ....
To stand a good chance of surviving this process
and coming out the other side you must try to write your ex out of your future plans ...
If by some miracle she decides to reconcile ... then you will have that option but it's best you try to move on ..
I hate the direction that my Wife has forced me to move in .... It is hard to find any words that discribe the pain that I feel inside.
It's like dieing inwardly ... so I do understand what you are going through.
Regards UK Chap
