Going through a difficult time... mom_to_2_angels: Does it get easier? I don't think I can cry anymore...I am literally emotionally and physically ill. It is a long story, but my 22 year old sister said that my husband hit on her while she was sleeping a few months back. Both of them have been dishonest about little things in the past...and when I suggested a polygraph, she agreed and he said they aren't valid and that our marriage making it or not should not ride on that. Leads me to believe he is guilty. Cheating would have been bad enough - but trying to cheat with my sister - that is just beyond forgiveness.
But we have 2 children, 9 and 6. They love their dad very much...but as for our daughter- she adores her father and I fear the effect this will have on her because she is extremely emotional. I am a graduate student in a school psychology program (my first of 3 years) and a divorce will mean needing to get a job and abandoning my education...because my husband was the sole supporter. My life is literally being turned upside down and I am having a very difficult time with this. The children haven't been told yet, I want to get them books, speak to a counselor, etc so that I make this transition the best that it can be given the circumstances. Thank you for reading. Any advice?
Re:Going through a difficult time... teacherwriterguy: Glad you found us, mt2a, and sorry of course at the same time because of what that means that you had to find us.
As far as advice goes, this site is full of so many opinions and ideas - we have every story from every angle of divorce and breakup you could imagine. I hope you find someone on here to lean on.
It does get easier - it never seems like it when it's not easy, but it does.
Just from the little bit that I read, it sounds like, before you can really manage how your children are feeling about everything, that you need some space and ability to make sure you know what you want. It doesn't sound like the marriage is positively over? Or maybe I'm misreading. In any case, figuring out where you stand before telling the children is going to make it so much easier on them.
There's a thread on here about that very idea - how to tell the kids. I'll see if I can dig out the link for you.
Take care, hang in there - remember that there's many voices here to support and listen to you.
twg
Re:Going through a difficult time... teacherwriterguy: Here's the link to the thread I was thinking of:
http://www.ojar.com/boards/index.php?board=1;action=display;threadid=8787;start=msg69481#msg69481
Re:Going through a difficult time... riversandlakes: My 2 cents:
Welcome, mt2a, to ojar. We're friends here.
imho, he's way into himself, simply because he feels he is the breadwinner of the family. Perhaps the balance can be achieved in the relationship by you stepping out to support the family too?
It is an arrogant hidden threat to say "aren't valid and that our marriage making it or not should not ride on that". Another point for you to balance the support of the family?
While polygraph is a tool used to detect lies up to some level, to use this among couples is just extreme. Fine for the cops to use on the suspect, but if there's such a level of distrust in the relationship...
Nothing is confirmed yet, please don't focus on divorce, nor a verdict of cheating? "Both were dishonest in the past". What do you mean?
Understand that life seems upside down now. Yes, it does, months down the road, feeling "it shouldn't have been like this."
Re:Going through a difficult time... AloneandCold: I just wanted to put in that there are other ways to take besides quiting school. While it sucks to have to ask for help health and welfare can help with many thing that can help you get through school. PM of you want some information. If you really want to graduate you can. It is so worth the rest of your life to have a couple rough financial years.
As for the children, if he is a good dad try to do 50/50 custody. This significantly lowers the impact on the children because they do not miss out on dad or mom. I know the best thing you can tell your children is it is not their fault and that even though you and thier dad will not be together you both are still mommy and daddy and will always love them both. It also helps to be very flexable in access to the other parent. When it is my time with my kids they can call daddy any time they want to. If it is his time they can call me anytime they want. While we are now roommate we did this for seven months and my children (6 and 4) have had almost no adjustment problems what so ever.
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