does anyone else feel stuck dontseethelite: i didnt have anything tangible when i was with my x
only thing i have now is being able to support myself financially but for me it doesnt make a difference if anything i have no motivator bc there is less of the need to 'survive' on a basic scale
i know im being pathetic
im not working right now and have to get a job
im just sitting around crying every day
im alone
i cant live on a phone calls to people who are there for me if i ask but i am not an integral part of their lives
only me and the x were integral parts of each others lives
x left me and needed to as it was unhealthy for him, abusive situation...it wasnt physical but my social worker friend said my emotional/verbal can be worse on someone
though we said wed break the pattern from our parents we repeated it anyways
i know i have to take care of myself
but i dont think this is the time to start for the first time
i need someone to take care of me, to motivate me, to be with me and give me a goal every day and stuff...
i want my x to take care of me even tho i know thats wrong and impossible
i cant live like this tho im not at real risk of suicide
thats the catch22...not in pain to want suicide
just not living
i dont see why i had to screw up the way i did....i mean i see it psychologically but know i am a failure
im too embarassed to admit how i am a failure
i know all the things about the logic of life and emotions and baby steps and everything i know it all
it just feels like i want to give up
i know kind people will say its ok dont blame yourself (and i dont i know it was inevitable to repeat the pattern) and will respond with support but nothing i guess will work until i motivate myself
also what i did and am is so much worse than cheating
Re:does anyone else feel stuck dontseethelite: its ok i think i just need to talk with other people who were the 'bad' ones and talk to a psychologist
Re:does anyone else feel stuck riversandlakes: dstl, that sounds like a story, but I caught no balls...what happened?
You didn't actually verbally/emotionally abuse your ex and now want him back?
Anyway, in the end, like we come alone, we leave alone. It is important to always find ways to improve ourselves. It is great to have a partner to console and encourage us, but in the end the motivation must come from within. You must know to take care of yourself, to motivate yourself and create your own goals, before you can take care of the other (motivation), etc...
I used her for the longest time as motivation to burn the midnight oil, read the thick documents and spend hours studying hard; so much so that when she left without the possibility of returning, I stopped walking for months.
Now I work triply hard to focus on something else, hiding in the office from the great Irish sun at 1700 on a saturday and tomorrow too.
"Knowing one's weakness and not work on it is the greatest mistake of all." - Unknown
Re:does anyone else feel stuck dontseethelite: no i was a sh*t to the poor boy who just loved me blindly and too trustingly....
your post was awesome, thanks so much.
i cant have him back bc he is too good for me and nothing will change
i have to be able to be aboslutly honest to myself proud of myself or at least truly comfortable in my skin with my disappointments
i guess when youve been unhappy your whole life and alone, its hard to find a reason to be happy
unless someone said...okay if you work hard and get past the fear and everything in 5 yrs you will be happy and able to deal with lifes disappointments for the rest of your life
that would motivate me
i used to sound so tragic to me when you heard of women being left by husbands and never having worked and having kids or something....but the woman has a strong motivating factor and is pushed to fight for a good life
there just doesnt seem to be a point to life
i think ill choose a goal that doesnt revolve around people bc im sh*t w people
i know im being totally whiny and pathetic and i understand that bored lonely people are just passive and afraid but i think ill risk the humiliation on this board anonymously if it makes things better for me
Re:does anyone else feel stuck riversandlakes: [quote author=dontseethelite link=board=1;threadid=9099;start=0#msg71937 date=1111251966">
if you work hard and get past the fear and everything in 5 yrs you will be happy and able to deal with lifes disappointments for the rest of your life
ill risk the humiliation on this board anonymously if it makes things better for me
[/quote">
If I told you so, would you believe me? If you will, work hard now. Job, new languages, new friends, new sports, new hobbies, libraries, etc. If you work hard now (and I mean hard), within 365 days you will see marked improvement, perhaps even become "normal" again (though I don't know what that means).
She's been with me since university, and now 5th year into my working life, she's left.
Been here 8 days. If you read the other posts you'll not find humiliation...
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